justme64

THE BATTLE OF THE VOLES

2011-12-05T05:27:00.001-08:00

Why is it that cats feel no guilt when they have not done their job? You would think that with three cats in my family that I would never have a rodent problem! My vole problem must have started last winter as I snuggled up in front of the fire with a good book. I was blissfully unaware that under the cover of snow little voles were tunneling about finding a good source of food. In the spring I sauntered into my garden, still relatively ignorant, I noticed a little path that led to my garden in that cute wiggly way that voles are prone to make. At the time I didn't really know the differences between voles and moles and mistakenly thought a mole had made the path. I saw that the path led to the area where my asparagus grows. That was the first time that my heart sank. Holes all around my asparagus patch! Fortunately, it wasn't too long before I found that the asparagus was still alive. The relief I felt only lulled me into a sense of feeling all was right with the world...or at least my world. That sense of calm continued until I noticed that my pea seeds had very sporadic germination. Then I noticed a shallow tunnel leading down the row where my peas should have been. My heart sank again. Whatever was making those tunnels LOVED to eat seeds. I began what was to become a summer of research on voles.

At least they didn't seem to enjoy potatoes since I saw that the potato plants were thriving. I didn't know how wrong I was! I think they just didn't care for seed potatoes. As the potatoes began to grow beneath the soil, the voles came and worked their way through. My first indication that something was amiss was one wilted potato plant. I grabbed hold of it to see what was wrong and it immediately came out of the soil. Not a bit of root left! After they ate two more plants I decided to harvest the potatoes and we had a small but tasty crop.

As usual, this summer I had been behind in planting seeds and I began to realize that these rodents were going to be a major problem. They were already forming a community in the spot I had planned for beans. It was beginning to look like a prairie dog town! I knew that they would love it if I provided them with tasty bean seeds so I decided to try to eradicate them first. If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have bothered. What I know now is that once you kill off the stupid voles only the smart ones remain and it becomes impossible to kill them. They then have offspring that become the Einsteins of the vole world.

I read about voles until I was exhausted. I learned that sometimes you can place mouse traps in their tunnels and they simple run over them and get trapped. Hooray it worked! This was also when I learned that voles will eat each other...ugh. Nothing like a trapped and killed vole that provides a meal for his buddies. I caught and killed less than ten voles this way. I must say I was thrilled about my success but then I started to find that the tunnels caved in on the traps...or so I thought. After awhile I realized that the tunnels were not caving in, the voles were burying the traps as soon as I set them. All I had succeeded in doing was to weed out the weak minded voles leaving me with a garden full of geniuses. I tried some above ground traps baited with peanut butter and although they were more complex and cost more, I didn't catch one vole in them. No, castor oil does not work either. All it does is lull you into believing that it is working as a vole repellent. As I was inside celebrating, the voles were outside laughing and munching down on more roots. Yes, that is what they do, they go underground and eat the roots of your plants so you don't know what is happening until your plants shrivel and die. This is one underground railroad that needs to be stopped!

I continued to put off planting any seed but I did start some zucchini plants inside. Unfortunately, since I was so preoccupied with solving the vole problem I waited too long and although some plants survived the voles, I was only able to harvest three zucchinis by the end of the summer.

As far as my cats, I did save a lot of money on cat food over the summer. My cats will kill AND eat wildlife and this summer voles were abundant. I knew my cats were having their fill since often times their dried food was left unfinished. Apparently three cats are not enough to keep up with a vole population explosion. After a summer of unsuccessful attempts at thwarting their damage, I have come to the conclusion I will have to wait for them to die out naturally. In my extensive research I have learned that vole population explosions are cyclic. Every three to five years there is a sudden increase in population. What ends up happening is they die out naturally. People will try all sort of remedies and when the vole population drops off, people tend to think "aha! it worked!" to whatever they tried. In reality they have just died off naturally.

I will remember this summer as "The Great Vole Depression of 2011." Eventually I couldn't even go into the garden without feeling depressed. I had a few plants that survived but I was so behind that all I was able to harvest were those three zucchinis. My garden became a jungle that I rarely entered. Over Thanksgiving weekend I got out my machete and whacked my way through. Just joking. I got a couple of rakes and enlisted the help of my son to start cleaning up. It had rained so much this summer that I felt like I was trying to clear cut a rain forest! My plan was to get rid of everything that provided a vole habitat. I would like to report that there was a natural decline in vole activity but that has not happened. I am hoping that a miracle will happen over the winter. I still have a bit more cleaning up to do but mostly I am just relying on the cyclic nature of vole population explosions. I don't think I can stand another summer of vole nightmares!

WEARY

2011-10-12T06:09:00.000-07:00

I feel weary. Weary of people. Lately I am left wondering why people have so much trouble interacting with each other. Why is it that simple things seem to become so difficult? Why is it that people seem to want to cause other people anguish? Sometimes I am just in a position to be observing people hurting each other and other times it seems that people want to hurt me. Even the nicest people sometimes hurt others in an attempt to make themselves feel better.

Often times I am able to understand why people say the things that they do but sometimes I am just dumbfounded. I question why, what benefit is there in putting others down. Some people have the trait of wanting to watch others squirm. I have sometimes been put into the situation where someone has made me squirm. Once I am over the uncomfortable situation I look back and wonder what kind of person finds satisfaction in that kind of torture. How does that make them feel better about themselves?

Whenever I am trying to understand these kinds of things I analyze myself to see if I have ever done something similar. I am pretty sure that I do not purposely try to make anyone squirm. Doing this would mean that the other person would act embarrassed. I find it very uncomfortable if I have made someone else embarrassed so I do not think that I purposely try to make people squirm.

I often call this mean teasing. I come from a family that has a tendency to tease others in a nasty kind of way. In the past when I have been around them I admit that I have been guilty of joining in on the torture. It's almost as if I was compelled to take a side and I knew I didn't want to be on the losing side! However, I can say that I have never gotten enjoyment out of it. I would always come away from the interaction with a shameful unhappy feeling. I wonder if the others feel this as well.

For me, I think one thing that is difficult is that I often times laugh at myself and then I assume that others will laugh at themselves as well. A simple example is that I am one of those people who loves to talk. I can joke about myself talking someone's ear off. I would assume that the other talkers out there could laugh at themselves as well, so I would assume that teasing them about it would not fall under the mean teasing category. But maybe it would. This is a gray area where I find that I need to watch others' reactions to make sure I haven't offended anyone. I can say for sure, I do not enjoy making people squirm!

MORE ON DRAMA

2011-09-22T05:22:00.000-07:00

I would love to report that I have successfully avoided the drama I mentioned in the previous post but I haven't... However, I can report that I have learned some things. I have often heard that to stop a bad habit, replace it with a good one. I am learning to expand on this philosophy and have figured out that replacing drama with good interactions with other people may be my saving grace. I can't be sucked into drama if I am always talking to people who don't stress me out. Sometimes it is even enough to be engrossed in a fun activity instead of hanging around with the drama queens.

This is easier said than done but I think I am up to the challenge. It is easier to follow my own advice when the drama queen in question is not my friend. I am still figuring out what to do when the drama queens are my friends. Even further, what do I do when there is only one true drama queen in a group of friends? I don't want to avoid a group of friends because of one bad apple.

Another dilemma is being able to recognize when there is drama just for the sake of drama and when it falls under the category of supporting a friend through a difficult situation. I am starting to have to consider this with one particular friend. I don't mind listening to a friend's problems but then I need to be careful that "friend" does not monopolize every interaction. In this case I am thinking of a person who is part of a group of friends. I am noticing that approximately two thirds of our time together is spent listening to her problems and being supportive of her. Then once someone else starts talking, her eyes glaze over. This week when we all got together I sat back and observed this phenomenon. Hmmm. Now I realize that this has been bothering me for quite awhile. I guess last year I should have had a clue when I saw a couple of eye rolls when I tried to interject something into the conversation. At the time I tried to be careful that I was not interrupting her. It was obvious that she had no patience for what someone else had to say.

So, I am making progress in recognizing areas that have a high drama level and I am even figuring out ways of dealing with this but I still need to try and implement my ideas. Some ideas work and some don't...that seems to be part of the process.

FIGHTING MY OWN HUMAN NATURE

2011-09-06T05:28:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that part of human nature is to be attracted to drama. I wonder why this seems to be the case. What purpose does it serve to allow ourselves to be sucked into problems? It certainly is not pleasant. Like almost all people, I am guilty of allowing myself to be put into situations that make me unhappy. This is true regardless of the fact that I don't need to be part of the drama. I'm not forced into these situations. If I allow myself to honestly analyze these moments, I am allowing myself to be in them. I would like to believe that I am not actively seeking out problems but I have no hesitation in admitting that I find it difficult to walk away once I am embroiled in stressful interactions.

One recent occurrence happened even after I told myself that I refused to allow this activity to cause me undo stress. I am involved in my kids cross country team. I have always taken pictures of the team and in the past couple of years I have helped organize the end of season, pot luck banquet. Both of these things do not cause me stress, truthfully, they cause me happiness. However, two years ago, one of the mothers decided that we needed to start a booster club. She enlisted the help of one other mother and they filled out the initial paperwork and opened a bank account. The original purpose of the club was to raise money for an enclosed canopy. I agreed whole heartily and had planned to support whatever fundraising activities that they organized without officially being an officer of the club. However the next year I decided it would be okay to be an officer... co president or something like that. It doesn't really matter what I was called. The point is, I was more "official" and with that came difficulties. This is where I became embroiled in stress. Gone was the happiness of picture taking and banquet planning....sigh.

The lesson I tried to learn was that I need to become better at recognizing situations that cause me stress and then walk away from them. I made a firm plan for this year and I am working hard at sticking with it. At the heart of the plan is my insistence that I refuse to allow my activities with the team to cause me stress. I really have no need to end my role officially but I do need to be thoughtful in what I enjoy and what makes me unhappy. I plan on taking pictures and planning the banquet. Period. Both of those things make me happy. Then the period becomes a comma....sigh. This is my difficulty.

Recently I found myself in an uncomfortable discussion. Not only did I feel tense from this discussion, it also put me behind in errands that I was planning to run that day. That put me behind as far as getting home and making supper...which screwed up my kids life as well. They wanted to eat and start homework.

Why, oh why, do I let this happen? Now THAT is the question! Hah! I do realize that the answer to this question is irrelevant because the real accomplishment would be to learn to recognize these situations quickly and simply walk away. No analyzing, just action. So there you have it, I am trying to fight my own human nature of getting sucked into drama....

HAPPINESS...OR NOT

2011-08-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been reading a lot about happiness. It is definitely the new buzz word. It seems to be everyone's goal. As with anything that seems to be overworked, I am getting a bit sick of it. I think that we all should try to find a life that we can be happy with but it seems that too many people are taking this idea to the extreme. I get the feeling that many people think that they need to wake up happy and go to bed happy every day. This is not possible and I think that the danger in feeling this way may result in feeling like a failure when we feel unhappy. Life is full of unhappy moments as well as happy moments. Whatever happened to grinning and bearing it? For me, some days just seem to go wrong. I'm okay with this and I just try to survive those days and hope for a better day tomorrow. There are phases in everyone's lives that are not happy. I am no exception. We can go months or sometimes years where we have bad times. The goal is to find joy once again but we certainly should not feel like failures. Only when we accept difficult circumstances as part of life can we move on. With this new push on happiness, I wonder how many people are feeling worse thinking "why can't I be happy?"

I'm sure that there are people who can wake up and feel joy and happiness every day. I am not one of them. My goals in life are to feel many moments of joy and happiness, to experience as few moments of unhappiness as possible and all the other days? Those other days, I want to LIKE what I am doing...or at least not DISLIKE it.

A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT FEAR

2011-08-27T04:07:00.000-07:00

This post really has nothing to do with Irene or the fear people feel about this storm. It is about fear in general. Not long ago me and Thomas were going to a dinner for a scholarship he received. There were a few kids that had gotten it so on the way in, we met another mother and girl we know. It had been raining cats and dogs on the drive there. It was coming down harder than I've ever experienced and it caused some temporary flooding. There is an underpass with train tracks above on the way to the restaurant and it was filled with water. The only choice was to park on "the wrong side of the tracks." This mother saw us make the turn and since she didn't know the area well, she followed us. We ran through the rain to the restaurant that was pretty close by. After chatting with the mother, I found she was quite stressed out because she "didn't know what was going on." When we left, it was not quite dark but she was quite worried anyway. I guess she felt we were literally heading to the "wrong side of the tracks." What struck me was how fearful she was to have to walk back to her car. I felt it was not scary at all and fear didn't even enter my mind. All I could think was how awful it must be to live with that kind of fear. I am not sure why I am not a fearful person but I definitely appreciate this fact. Fear does not keep a person safe, it only inhibits a persons enjoyment of life.

FEAR

2011-08-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Tom went to our beach house at the Jersey shore to bring in the grill and lawn furniture so they wouldn't get blown away by hurricane Irene. Maybe it's because my middle name is Irene but I don't feel scared by her at all. I hoped that Tom would not get turned away when he tried to drive onto the barrier island where our house is located. He will leave this morning before the storm hits. As I watched the reporters on TV, I wondered why they are working people into a frenzy. I think it's sad that our news people have turned into entertainers and not actual reporters. In this case they are "entertaining" by trying to scare people. People are watching with rapt attention. Don't get me wrong, I would not be one of those people who tried to ride the storm out and stay in a dangerous location. Also, I would be very upset if my house gets destroyed but I just can't understand the fear people have. I have heard people compare this to 9/11. What? Will that be the thing that people do now, compare everything bad to 9/11? I think it's quite possible that the media has put this idea into people's minds. I feel it's sort of like brain washing. When I was watching the news channels last night trying to see where the mandatory evacuations were, I started to understand how the brain washing is done. The longer I watched, the more I wondered how serious this storm was going to be. I thought, how the leaders in our area would not require evacuation unless it was serious. Then I started to wonder if they too were falling prey to the hype. I have not doubt that the mandatory evacuations are a good idea but I was annoyed when Mayor Bloomberg talked about the possible "tragedies" that could occur. Maybe my annoyance lies with the wrong people. Maybe the leaders understand that if they don't scare people, people will not listen and do the right things to stay safe.

I have a sister-in-law who lives in a house that has been flooded many times. She doesn't panic. She just gets out when the time comes. She does get frustrated and sad that once again she will have to hire contractors to come in and fix the mess. She is probably worried right now just wondering if this will happen again. Is she afraid" No. Will my husband heed the warnings and evacuate our beach house? Yes. Will he have any fear? No.

HOW I GOT TO BE "RICH"

2011-08-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

The biggest thing on my mind lately is how we will pay for our kids to go to college. We are in that category of parents that are told that we are "rich" enough to pay the full freight but in reality we really can't. When filling out the FAFSA (free financial aid form), I learned that we would be expected to pay up to $50K per year for our kids college education. I have three kids and if they knuckle down and graduate in the "normal" four years, I will have one or two kids in college for a period of eight years. Using simple math I calculate that I will be expected to come up with $400K! Hah! So, since Thomas just headed off to college I can't help but think quite a bit about all of this.

I spend some time complaining and more time facing the reality and thinking of ways to pay for college. I've learned that one of my "friends" has no sympathy at all for me. She is of the belief that I am just lucky that I have the money and other assets that are keeping our family from getting the need based aid. I can't seem to get this off my mind. For me, the bottom line is that Tom and I have really sacrificed more than others to get into the position we are in. After our kids are off to college, not only will all our savings be gone but we will also have a substantial amount of debt. It is true that others who do get free aid will have debt and they won't have any savings either. This bothers me because after years of working hard and sacrificing we won't be any better off than people who sacrificed less than us.

The fact that bothers me is that my friend thinks that it is some sort of luck that put us in our position. She totally disregards what I had to do to get to this point. I grew up in a poor family where my mother sewed all my clothes and we drank powdered milk because we couldn't afford regular milk. My parents were not supportive of my decision to go to college and in fact told me that they would do everything they could to stop me. Regardless, I went anyway and often times woke up to temperatures in my apartment that were barely above 50 degrees because I couldn't afford to turn on the heat. While I was struggling to graduate to be able to get a job, Tom was living with his parents, working and saving as much as he could so we would be able to buy a house. We could not afford a house in NJ so we moved an hour away from his job to Pennsylvania. We bought the cheapest house we could find and put so much "sweat equity" into our house we sometimes would come home after working an eight hour day and be working outside on building a garage by spotlight until 9:00 pm. We dug a foundation hole for our garage by hand and I overcame my fear of heights when I had to be working all the way at the peak of the roof. I wonder if my friend has made any similar sacrifices. Since our kids have been born (18 years) we have only been on three "big" vacations. I only mention this because I had to listen to my friend tell me she is planning a trip to Switzerland for her 25th anniversary. We will also be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary the same year as her. We could not afford to go to a foreign country on vacation. For our anniversary I probably will be making a special meal to be eaten on our 29 year old dinner plates.

HEADED OFF TO RPI

2011-08-23T02:24:00.001-07:00

Today we bring Thomas to college. He is my first so it is kind of weird. What's even more weird is I no longer have those sad feelings of knowing I will miss him. I am still worried that he will be experiencing home sickness and all those usual unhappy freshman year feelings but I feel peaceful otherwise. I know along with the unhappy feelings he will also experience all the happy feelings. I think I realize that this is just a natural progression and I can sit back and enjoy it. I also see that he is happy. He seemed to be getting really excited last night. It's nice to see, when it comes down to the wire, he has joyful feelings. It seems as if the anxiety has been pushed to the side for now. He never really seemed super worried; I think because he is pretty independent about a lot of things. Through high school he has learned to handle the day to day tasks and decisions. He still lets me pamper him by doing his laundry and making him Koolaid but he takes care of the big stuff, mostly having to do with school. He doesn't need his parents to organize and plan his day at school. Other than helping with proof reading he doesn't ask us for help.

When we went to RPI for orientation, we were told that we know our own children. If we feel that in general they make good decisions and were generally responsible, we didn't have to worry about them. Chances are, they would be fine. If we were worried about them, chances are we needed to worry about them! I'm not worried about Thomas. I also felt really good when they asked all the parents to raise their hands if their kids did at least an hour of homework each night. There were few parents that raised their hands. They explained that was because these kids were the smart kids and good grades came easy to them so they would just coast through high school. Although many things do come easy to Thomas he has always studied a lot and done a lot of homework. It was comforting to know that he would not be one of those kids that had a rude awakening in college as far as the time commitment. I cannot really tell what will happen with his grades. Will he be able to keep all those A's? I have warned him that there may be times that he is disappointed with the result of his hard work. Only time will tell.

DEATH AND FAMILY

2011-08-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

I reread my post about the chaos surrounding my family because of the deaths last year and thought I should update on that as well. I really feel much better about it in general. I realize that it really didn't have much to do with the deaths but it had to do with family relationships and how I handle them. I think the biggest problem comes from the fact that I would PREFER to have a somewhat close relationship with both sides of the family. Even if this means that I would have to grin and bear some imperfections in people. My problem comes when I don't know how much I should be grinning and bearing! It really bothers me when I see family members being mean to each other to the point that they end up not speaking to each other. In the past I have not wanted to be one of these people so I tended to put up with a lot. During this past year, I have realized that I am putting up with too much. I have distanced myself from family members and I am much happier living that way. I am realizing that I am much better off avoiding contact. I have not had any big fight. I still have a cordial relationship with all family members. I just have not made any effort to be nice and keep in touch unless I feel like it. I have not forced myself to visit or talk with people. I realize how much happier I can be when I live like this. In reality, I don't think people care that much. At most I picture them making note of it, thinking I am wrong and then moving on. I can deal with that. I don't need my family members to like me. I have finally realized when they "like" me, I am often times less happy.

GOAL UPDATE

2011-08-22T04:26:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I did not meet my goal of climbing Mt. Wittenberg this summer. It was a combination of the fact that my iron seemed to be low and Thomas didn't seem that interested in the training. He would have been able to hike it anyway but I would have had to train on my own. I did not have my iron checked but I was starting to huff and puff and get extra tired when hiking. I have made a special effort to increase my consumption of iron rich foods for at least a month now and I feel better. I will continue to work hard to eat the right stuff but it gets annoying because I do not love meat like some people do. It's not that I have an ethical dilemma but it's purely a matter of taste. Carbs taste better to me! Also, when my iron is low it is not a case of just eating more meat or vegetables like spinach and legumes, it's that I have to eat a lot of red meat and even liver. I am not a person that hates liver but I certainly don't love it. I don't spend a lot of time discussing this with people because in general I am experienced at raising my iron and the average person does not understand just how much I have to work at it. It's foolish for a person to suggest to me that I can raise my iron by eating such simple things as spinach. I do love and eat a lot of spinach to help but it's always in conjunction with a red meat. Meat makes the iron in vegetables absorb better. Enough about iron....

ONE MORE POST....GOALS AND HAPPINESS

2011-02-19T05:34:00.000-08:00

I think I may end up being somewhat caught up on my life if I write just one more post! I am happiest when I have a goal. Last spring my goal was to get in good enough shape to hike to the summit of Mt. Washington in North Conway, NH. I started out in very poor shape. Huffing and puffing up even small hills. I guess because of my personality, I didn't get discouraged. My only fear was that my health problems would rear their ugly head. I had spent the previous fall and winter struggling to get my thyroid back on track with two medication increases. My iron level seemed to be okay but my migraines had increased. I was afraid that if things started to go bad again, I would not be able to tackle Mt. Washington. I love walking and hiking so most of the time, I went with happiness and a positive energy.

At the end of July 2010, I met my goal!! It took longer than we thought and it was almost dark when Thomas and I got back down the mountain but our entire family reached the peak! Thomas and I have knees that allowed us to hike back down. Tom met us at the bottom after him, Erin and Sarah took the shuttle down....their knees not so good.

Since Thomas and I have the real hiking bug we've made a new goal this year. It's not quite so lofty as last year but still quite a challenge. We plan to hike up Mt. Wittenberg in the Catskills. We've gone for a couple hikes in the snow so far for our training. We had wanted to hike up Mt. Tammany at the Delaware Water Gap in the snow/winter and we did that when he had a half day of school this past Thursday. It was an unseasonably warm day so we were able to wear just a couple of layers and be comfortable. Fortunately there are plenty of other hikers that think it's fun to hike there in the winter so the snow on the trail was packed enough to walk on. We went in our trail sneakers and our feet only got a bit wet. It was warm enough that they weren't cold though. Thomas had wanted to hike up to the knob down in Milford in the winter as well. We did that a couple of weeks ago but had a bit more trouble with the snow. Not as many people hike there in the winter so we were happy that we had worn our boots. They don't make for the best hiking footwear but at least our toes were dry and snuggly!

It's nice because although the stress of the previous six months had led to my inactivity, I was not as out of shape as last spring. This has been so encouraging to me that I've made an individual goal separate from Thomas. I would like to be able to "run" in the 5K run/walk that we participate in every May. I "ran" last week for the first time just to see how I would do. It was how I made my decision whether this was a goal I should make. Initially, I had thought I would try just a half mile and see if it killed me. Once I began, I realized that I could actually do a mile. Mind you, I put "run" in quotes for a reason. The fact that I was able to move at something more than a walk for an entire mile made me positive that I would at least attempt to run the 5K. I think I will be able to run without stopping and depending on how my training goes, I will probably make a time goal of doing it in under 45 minutes. Well, after consulting with my trainer (Thomas - smile) he says that after numerous calculations and contemplation, I should make a goal of running it in under 40 minutes. I'm not sure if I that should excite me or scare me! Well, for now I think I will just go do laundry...unfortunately there is not much muscle building in that.

DONATING, VOLUNTEERING AND BEING GENEROUS

2011-02-19T05:15:00.000-08:00

My daughter is on the local Relay for Life of the American Cancer Society. Her and her friend have started a team and because they needed a chaperone, I am also on the team. Sarah and Thomas have joined as well. Each teammate needs to raise $100 with a goal of at least $1,000 for the team. I am pretty good at fundraising and have raised almost the entire $400 for our family. My approach is to ask people who I feel are generous but in a no pressure kind of way. I have been pleasantly surprised that almost all the people I've asked have donated. Many of them have donated $25 or $50! This has not only given me a sense that people are good at heart but it's also made me want to be more generous as well. It's made me feel even better about offering my time and effort for this event. My observation has been that the people who are generous, are also happier people. Being happier is always a good thing! I'm glad to be sharing in that happiness.

WOW WHEE! WHERE THE HECK HAVE I BEEN!

2011-02-19T04:48:00.000-08:00

I have just been sort of preoccupied with life. This past year has been a lot of ups and downs through no fault of my own. Well, I guess I can blame myself in the sense that I had some rough times that I could have handled better. My father-in-law died in May and my mother died in September. My father-in-law had been in poor health for at least a couple years but my mother's only problem had been that she was starting to have more and more memory problems. Other than my annoyance at other people's behavior surrounding my father-in-law's death it didn't have any profound effect on me.

In contrast to my father-in-laws death, my mother's forgetfulness and subsequent death caused a lot of upheaval. Upheaval that I wish that I had handled differently because I feel as if it caused me to waste a lot of energy. Therefore causing six months of my life to be stressed. I really don't want to write about the details a whole lot mostly because it would mean reliving it and I'm done wasting my life on it....or at least I hope I am done. I will make a few brief points though.

The first thing that started all the stress was that because of her increasing forgetfulness there were people in the family that began discussing "what will we do if..." In a nutshell, my stress surrounded the fact that I felt that I would not and had no obligation to do anything. I felt my opinion put me on a very lonely island.

Although the family knew something was awry with my mother, her death was actually quite sudden. She died in her home without so much as one doctor visit. Hooray for her, what a way to go at 84 years old! I really didn't want to travel to NH to attend her funeral so I certainly didn't act appropriately when I was there. It's sort of ironic because I went only because I didn't want to look bad and cause stress in my family relationships. I would have done less damage by staying home.

The fallout from her funeral really stressed me out. Being judged for my uncaring attitude. Family scavenging through her belongings but then insinuating that I was scavenging as well. Me being quite surprised about the greed and wanting of others. Realizing certain relationships would change, one for the better but the rest for the worse.

Ultimately, it is now done. I've come full circle and feel that I am once again back to where I started. I am happy to be here and some might tell themselves that the journey helped them. I don't. As I said, only one relationship got better and I don't really think it was necessary to go through all that stress to get that relationship to that point. What I really learned from all this is that in order to protect myself emotionally, I need to be more cynical and less open with others. That part is going to continue to be hard for me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2010-11-28T05:18:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe that it's been so long since I've posted. The above painting was done by Sarah in celebration of Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for but sometimes I need to remind myself of those things, so Thanksgiving meant a lot to me this year.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

2010-08-12T06:26:00.001-07:00

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY

2010-08-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

I always get annoyed when a celebrity claims that if you find a job you love then you won't feel like you are going to "work" everyday. They make it sound like people can spend their lives in constant happiness and work will just be pure bliss. What they don't say is that no job will make you happy everyday. That sometimes it's hard to make yourself get up and go to work even when most times you enjoy your job. There will always be those days that you are going to work purely for the paycheck. If we teach our kids that work should always be fun, then we are doing them a disservice. I teach my children that although they should enjoy their job overall, they have to also accept that they may be sick of it sometimes. This is not to say that I am teaching them to settle for a career that they don't ever enjoy. When they complain that they are sick of school I listen but I also point out the alternative....not being able to go to school....and they agree that school is mostly a positive thing but they are just sick of it for that time period (like the end of the year).

I do think that there are people who are happy with their jobs everyday but I think that it's more about their personality. Some people are just pure optimists. I consider myself an optimist...most times but not always. I think that most people in the world have their bad days, some more than others. One of the celebrities that I hear talking about "finding your bliss" has a name that starts with "O". I find it annoying that she acts like she just loves every day of her job but at the same time says that she is overweight because she eats out of unhappiness. If her job is truly pure bliss and she spends so much time working, why is she overweight....does all her unhappiness come as soon as she get's home? Maybe she should work more to keep her mind off her problems. My real point is that even "O" must have bad days and by acting like she doesn't she will make others feel as if something is wrong with their jobs because they are not in pure bliss. It would just be nice if she would emphasize the point that a person can sometimes complain about their job and still be happy.

Where would the world be if people only worked at jobs that made them happy everyday? I dare say that society would collapse. How many people love being cashiers, garbage men, sewage treatment facility workers and field workers? I'm not saying that these workers go to work unhappy everyday but that it's possible they could be happier in a job that wasn't so demanding. I think it was on the Jon Stewart show that I saw an activist that had started a "Take our jobs" program for the migrant workers. The basic premise was they would automatically offer a job to any American that wants to work in the fields. Although Americans fear that migrant workers are stealing American jobs, Americans don't want to do the work of a migrant worker! I guess we are just looking for that "job that we love". Maybe some of those migrant workers would much rather be working in an air conditioned office but then what would we all eat? Would we be happy growing our own food? I love to garden but I'd probably go hungry since I get too lazy to water and weed sometimes!

PITY PARTY

2010-06-27T04:53:00.000-07:00

Well, a couple days ago, I had myself a pity party. Definitely not because of my life now, my life is great. I instead had a few thoughts about my childhood. I rarely think of the past anymore and I'm not sure why I did at this time. I think it may be because recently I have been given copies of some letters my grandmother wrote at the time when I was young. She lived with my family the entire time I was growing up. My siblings read them as well and I found all of our reactions interesting. She seemed to make an attempt at holding herself back from her negative feelings but since I lived with her longer than my other siblings, I knew they were there. I feel that some of my siblings read the letters with rose colored glasses on. I would not consider myself a pessimist, but rather a realist. I actually consider myself an optimist but then again I bet most people think that. She was not a bad person but she also was not the wonderful person that some may see. When I gave this kind of response to my siblings, I sort of got the impression that a couple of them looked down on me. Mind you, I did not go on and on about negative things, I just felt as if I jokingly pointed out a couple of things. To be honest, I was a bit annoyed at one sibling in particular. This sibling said that my grandmother was a very positive and kind person and insinuated I was not because I was not being nice when I talked about my experience with her in my childhood. The fact is, she was not really positive and she was not really kind. I'm very big on the philosophy "actions speak louder than words." You may write words that make you appear nice but how do you actually live your life? What's funny about the entire thing? I think she actually sort of liked me better than some. You would think that if anyone saw her with rose colored glasses it would be me.

For myself, it made me look at how I live my life. I think maybe my situation is the opposite. If someone read letters/emails that I've written they would think that I am not such a good person but knowing me personally they would see me as a nice person. In reality, I try to live my life in a positive way. I am acutely aware that my actions speak louder than my words. I try to raise my children in such a way that they will look back fondly and think that I was a good mother. I think that I often times show my love with my actions. I can never be sure, but I can hope that my kids will remember these things.

On the other hand, no one is perfectly happy all the time and sometimes my writings, words and actions reflect this. I thought about whether I would change myself and decided that I can not pretend to be anything other than myself. I've decided that instead of pretending I will try to follow the advice my mother liked to give, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I will apply this to my emails to my siblings in particular. I will not always be successful but that is okay with me. That's why I have a category on my blog called "complaints." I'm much safer writing it here than sending it out to relatives! I rarely look back on my childhood with fondness and when I do, it's never with a fondness for my relatives and I can't pretend things were different but I can keep my mouth shut.....like I most often do with a few occasional slips here and there! It's much better for my mental health to not dwell on the past. That is good advice to follow...

TORN MENISCUS

2010-06-26T07:01:00.001-07:00

I really believed that if anyone would be unable to hike Mt. Washington it would be me. So far so good, I seem to be holding up pretty well but I don't want to jinx myself by talking too much about it. Unfortunately, Tom is the one who may be unable to accomplish this feat. On our "get in shape for Mt. Washington" hikes he has been having knee pain, especially on the downhill portions. I told him that if there was any hope that he'd be able to make Mt. Washington he needed to go see our friendly orthopedist. After poking, prodding and bending Tom's knee, the doctor declared that he thought it was a torn meniscus (hence the title to this post). He needs to follow up with an MRI to confirm but we trust the talent of diagnosis of our doctor. He agreed to give him a cortisone shot right before we climb the mountain and eventually he will need surgery....sigh. We've decided that he can climb up but will take a van down the mountain and hopefully keep from damaging it further.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

2010-06-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

I realized right from the moment I considered climbing Mt. Washington with the family that it was going to take a lot of work to get into shape. After all, I've spent the last couple of years working very hard at getting out of shape. All that laying around watching TV was quite a job! I've been impressed with how long the family has been willing to put up with my constant suggestions for various hikes. Until recently, they agreed without much objection. Now however, they groan every time I say "we need to go on a hike!"

When we went to Knoebel's for a few days this week I was nice enough to let Erin and Sarah forgo the hike that Thomas and I had planned. They happily pranced off to the amusement park while Thomas and I went zipping in the the van over hill and dale. We arrived at Nescopeck State Park about 45 minutes later. Leaving the parking lot, we looked for the entrance to the "Mountain Loop" trail. We should have known that things would not go well when we spied it off through a tangle of prickers! About half of our hike was through gawd awful, leg grabbing weeds, bushes and more prickers! Looking on the bright side, we found a few wild raspberries that tasted good and we hiked an incline that Thomas said was similar to a portion of Mt. Washington (pant, pant, huff, puff). We won't mention the fact that the raspberries were right beside the parking lot and we didn't really need to go on the hike to find them.... Not surprisingly, the incline was not located on the Mountain Loop but instead it was on the Oak Trail. The Oak Trail had very few oaks. A good portion of our time I complained about the upkeep of the trails. "They have that big beautiful visitor center.....THAT ISN'T OPEN!!" "All they would have to do is drive an ATV over these trails a few times and it would take care of all these bushes!" "Did the people who named these trails even hike them??" Even Thomas chimed in with "How hard is it to paint a few colored squares on the trees?!"

(Pause to get ice and ibuprofen for Thomas's finger that he slammed down while tripping on the stairs - broken or not broken that is the question of the day...)

We emerged from the undergrowth battered and bleeding and wondering if any ticks had reached our underwear. Well, at least I was bleeding, Thomas was unscathed. After Thomas made a trip to the well appointed porta potty (meaning it had plenty of toilet paper) we collapsed into the comfort of the van's air conditioning. In regards to our hike I said "I'm glad I did that!", without any sarcasm. I guess I am a glutton for punishment.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT ME...

2010-06-17T03:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to an appointment at the Jefferson Headache Center. It wasn't a bad visit but it wasn't really good either. Other than to say it was sort of weird I won't say anything more. It was just a follow-up, they've helped me tremendously and nothing needed to be changed so none of it matters.

What I really want to say is that I met a "girl" who is 28 years old. She has had a continuous migraine since she was 16 years old! She started getting occasional migraines at the age of two! Many times when I go to the center, I meet people like this who are worse off than me. She was a positive person who has learned to live with her problem. She went to college and now works full time. She down plays her migraine problem with her work colleagues because she doesn't want them to treat her differently. She is married but has no kids because she realizes that at this time she may not have the stamina to raise them the way she would want. Her philosophy in life is to accept how things are for her and at the same time, keep hope that things will get better and possibly even be migraine free one day. She has a sister who is 31 who recently had an increase in migraines and now gets them everyday. She is having trouble accepting this new life. The woman I was talking to told me that she thinks it was easier for her to accept than her sister because she was so young when it all started. I talked about my acceptance of my new life and told her that I never thought that it's possible that it might be more difficult for me because I was in my 40's when it all hit the fan.

Now for the part where I like something about myself. She told me that it was nice to be able to talk to someone about what she goes through. She says that she doesn't just kick up conversations in the waiting room and doesn't get a chance to talk to people about it. I've always said that I can find someone to talk to anywhere. I think part of my success comes from the fact that I am truly interested in what others have to say. I really do listen as well as talk myself. I like this about myself and felt happy that she said what she did. I could tell that I was a bright spot in her day.

STRIATION DISTURBATION

2010-05-31T03:26:00.000-07:00

Our library recently had a book sale. My daughter, Erin, went with a friend and because she is so generous, she purchased a gardening book for me. The book is about intensive gardening and getting the most out of your garden. I have been reading some of it and skipping around a bit. I saw a section on double digging and decided to read it over since I've been doing my version of double digging this year.

As I began to read, I had no problem when they started off by saying that removing the sod was one of the most difficult parts of digging. I ignored the fact that I would be happy to have sod to remove instead of the weird bushy roots we have. We only have sod in places that we've fertilized heavily. I pushed to the back of my mind that sod removal would have been the easiest part for me. I brushed over my observation that they didn't have any real photographs and the diagrams didn't show a single rock being dug out. Then I was even okay when the book said that you must dig down two feet. I told myself that it was alright because I had dug down at least a foot and in one bed it was probably a foot and a half.

What came next in no way resembled what I had done in my garden. In my garden, after digging a huge hole, I added a thick layer of semi decayed wood chips. The thickness of the wood chips varied depending on how deep the hole was. Then I began to add a combination of the original soil, peat moss and cow manure. I threw in a bit of pellet fertilizer as well. I alternated materials and mixed and fluffed and mixed and fluffed some more until I was sweating like a pig. (Sweating is a new thing for me that has developed now that I'm in my forties) In the end I had a bed of the best soil I've ever had.

What the author had written was that I should have been carefully removing the soil as to not disturb the natural layers...they may have used the word striations and I think that means layers but the more I think about it, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that I was not careful and I knew I must have messed up those "striations", whatever they may be. As a matter of fact, since I was adding so much cow manure, peat moss and wood chips, I removed the worst clumps of clay, threw them into a wheel barrow and dumped it as far away from the hole as possible! If that didn't mess up those striations, I don't know what would!

Then, I'm not sure but I don't think they even mentioned anything about adding material to the bottom of the hole! Again, I guess that would disturb those striations. After all, soil doesn't randomly have a layer of wood chips a foot below the surface! I planted carrots in the first bed I prepared and now I'm thinking there could be problems. What if the carrots grow down and suddenly come to those wood chips? Will they panic and scream out "where are the striations?" On the other hand, if they make it that far, they would be three times as long as any carrots that I've ever grown and I wouldn't really care if they stopped growing. In fact, they may think "this is different; I love the quirkiness of that woman."

So, as I was reading what I should have done, my eyes began to glaze over. Erin walked by, pleased that I was reading the book she gave me, and asked "do you like it?" I replied that it was a bit complicated but I still enjoyed reading it. She said that she had noticed that it seemed complicated. What I said is true and although I like to read all gardening books, I always find that my version of doing things never matches what I should be doing. Maybe that's why I have so many failures...

HIKING

2010-05-23T04:24:00.000-07:00

During the past four years, I've slowly turned into a big marshmallow. Mind you, I've been a marshmallow for many years but now I am a big marshmallow! I used to be in pretty good shape as far as my muscles were concerned but then all my health issues started. First my thyroid went kaput. Then my brain decided migraines were a good thing. My iron became depleted. Physical activity made me feel worse, much worse. So I sat, and sat and sometimes laid down to rest. I've gotten really out of shape and can no longer do the things I've always loved to do. Well, at least not as much as I've always done. It's hard for a person to get older and realize that each year your body slows down but for me the slow down from my health issues was fast and drastic. It's taken me a long time to get my health back on track. I'm still not totally there because I just had to change the dose of my thyroid medication in December (2009), I still sometimes get migraines and I constantly have to be careful to keep my iron level up. I know I am feeling better but to some degree, I've learned to ignore the side effects of these health issues. I've been able to increase my activity level. I had planned to do it slowly but sometimes I've tended to overdo it.

Besides gardening, one of the things that I've missed is hiking. I think my whole family has missed hiking since I was always the one who got us in the car to go explore a new trail. In February and March I started by getting back to my walks around the community. We have some moderate hills where I would get out of breath and feel my heart pounding. I wondered if my iron level had dropped but I kept it up. After awhile I saw some improvement. "The Knob" that overlooks the town of Milford is accessed by a rather short but steep hike. I've always wanted to hike it but have never gotten around to it. That was my new goal. At the beginning of April, just before Easter we went on the hike but got sidetracked and I never went to the overlook. The perfect reason for hiking it again the following week! Although I had never made it to the overlook on the first hike, something even more important to me happened. I got back my hope that I really would get back into shape. I began to form an idea. I want to hike Mt. Washington in the White Mountains of New Hampshire!

Quite a few years ago I had made the statement that one day when the kids were older we would hike up Mt. Washington. I'm guessing that was at least six years ago. Thomas will be 18 years old in September so he would have been 11 or 12 back then. Old enough to be excited and looking forward to the hike. It's been a long wait but now Sarah is 13 years old and old enough to make it....I think. So we've started to get in shape for a trip to NH towards the end of July. What I've discovered is that Sarah is in much better shape than I thought and I'm in much worse shape than I thought!

I'm in the worst shape of the family and although Tom is much, much better than me, he is next in line. It's hard to say if Erin is better than Sarah or vice versa because they are pretty much the same. Thomas, of course, is the best. He could hike the mountain tomorrow without a problem. Actually, everyone could hike the mountain tomorrow except for me! I think everyone except for Thomas would really be hurting if they hiked tomorrow but they could at least make it. Yesterday, Thomas told me that he thinks I would be able to make it right now also, but I have my doubts.

Since April, when I told everyone that I wanted to hike Mt. Washington, we have been trying to hike every weekend. Thomas and I have gone on a couple extra hikes - me to catch up to everyone and him for encouragement! He can be quite an inspirational motivator! I also think my new found gardening energy has helped me build some muscles. I've joked with everyone that I'm not sure how heavy everyone is breathing because I can't hear them over my own gasping!

Our goal as a family is to get strong enough for everyone to be able to make it without being in agony. We know it's still going to be tough but if everyone were in agony we would more than likely turn back. I think my individual goal may be slightly different than everyone else. I would like to be able to just make it, agony or not. What a satisfied feeling I would have! Unfortunately, I know that there is always the possibility that I won't be able to do it. Sad but always a chance. I cannot control certain things in my life and my health is one of them. I do know that barring a major setback, I can at least start the hike with everyone. It's important to me to face my reality because acceptance of these facts helps me move on. I guess I'm trying to live in the moment.

So, we've (I've) made some major strides. Pun intended. Yesterday we hiked around 4.5 miles through the steep inclines of our area. We took a rather long route to end up at Dingman's Falls. We had been surprised to discover that it was a back route to the falls. We hadn't known that is where we would come out and had walked about 2.5 miles to get there. We had quite a laugh to discover that when we followed the creek back to our car on a more direct route, it was only about a half mile away! Ha ha ha! The entire 4.5 miles took us about 2 hours. The distance is about the same as the hike up Mt. Washington but the elevation change is not the same. The hike up Mt. Washington should take between 3 and 4 hours one way so that can give you an idea how steep it will be! It's hard to get a hike that is near the equivalent.

So it's nice to have a new and exciting goal and especially exciting for it to be a goal involving physical activity!

RECYCLING TAKE TWO

2010-05-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

I've recently learned that the recycling program in our county has made some significant improvements.

First let me explain what it used to be like. We have to drive to a recycling drop off point. It used to be that they only took plastics and glass. I would save all my items and when I got enough I would travel around 7 miles to the drop off point. Many times I would find the bins full and have to bring my stuff home. After I had been putting all sorts of plastic containers into the bins I saw a public service announcement on television that announced that I was not supposed to be putting plastic "containers" into the bins. They did not mention which numbers were allowed so I was left to guess what was okay and what was not okay. The final nail in the coffin of my recycling efforts was the fact that they said that it was a crime to make what I saw as mistakes at the recycling center and that there were video cameras watching me! Since it already was a pain in the neck to have to save the stuff, I finally just gave up. It was causing me way too much stress.

Last weekend my daughter was with a friend who was running some errands with her mother. They ended up going to the recycling center and she came home and told me that they had made some positive changes. You can now save magazines, cardboard, food boxes, junk mail etc. They now list plastics #1-7. You no longer have to separate anything except plastic bags. So I decided to see for myself and brought a small bag of recyclables to the center. Sure enough things were definitely better. I had rinsed out everything but didn't get the peanut butter container clean. I read a memo inconspicuously taped onto the side of the bag bin that was quite pointed about cleaning the containers. They specifically mentioned peanut butter jars and said that if I couldn't get it clean that I should just throw it out at home. They warned me that I "shouldn't ruin it for everyone!"

So, although they seem to still be a bit nasty about the whole affair, I plan to make a second attempt at recycling. However, I will not let myself become stressed about the process.

YES VIRGINIA, YOU CAN KILL RHUBARB

2010-05-20T06:03:00.001-07:00

Rhubarb is one of those things that is supposed to be extremely easy to grow. I think this is why I find it so depressing to have so much trouble growing it. When I google information on growing rhubarb, I find tons of people who tell stories of their rampant rhubarb. They take years to kill it off in areas where they no longer want it to grow. They describe ways that they abuse it and it still refuses to die. Even my own mother told me that my nephew who owns a landscaping business had brought some rhubarb home that he had dug up from someone's yard. It was unwanted rhubarb so he threw it in a pile. My mother came along and "felt sorry for it" so she turned it over. It flourished in that spot. When I was visiting she helped me dig some up to bring home. That was two years ago. It's no longer doing so well. Last year I figured that I would have to give it a year to recover. This year I kept thinking, maybe it needs a little more time. Now, I am plotting ways to "help" it. The word "help" can be freely interchanged with "kill". This is the sort of story I can tell regardless of what plant I am talking about. I can seemingly do things exactly how other people do them with far different results. I'm thinking of one day writing a book titled "The Brown Thumb Guide to Gardening" with a subtitle of "How To Kill Off Most Any Plant". I'm not sure if I should include photographs or hire my daughter Sarah to draw pictures, or maybe a combination of both.

RASPBERRIES

2010-05-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

I received six raspberry plants from Gurney on Tuesday and planted them Wednesday. They pretty much look like I gathered some sticks from the woods and jammed them down into the soil. The roots looked a bit dried out but I am hopeful that they are still alive because all but one had at least some sort of living growth sprouting off. The written info that came with them said not to worry, that they were "dormant" although they looked almost dead. I am thinking that Gurney says this so that people don't immediately ask for new ones knowing that if people wait to ensure that they are dead, most people will not bother to contact them for replacements. I however will contact them because I only bought the 6 and it ended up costing me $20 on sale. Being a ULTRA cheapo, I rarely spend $20 on anything. I prefer to get things free from others. I am totally willing to give away my extras like the strawberry plants that I dug up to make a spot for the raspberries. So, although I am hopeful that they are not dead, the few times that I've ordered plants through the mail, if they looked dead, they were dead!

HOPING FOR MIRACLES

2010-05-09T06:07:00.000-07:00

I will be using this watering can a lot this year. I'm hoping the Miracle Gro will actually work some miracles!

After taking this picture, I realized that it sort of looks like the watering can is floating in the air but actually it's just hanging on a skinny fence post.

CONCRETE?

2010-05-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

Not concrete. It's the clay laden garden soil I keep complaining about! This is soil from my garden that dried into clumps. It's worse outside the garden where I haven't added organic matter. At least I could break up these clumps!

MEET DOROTHY

2010-05-09T05:45:00.001-07:00

Scarecrow compliments of Erin and Sarah. I love the grass ponytails! Last year they made Dr. Phil.

IS THIS APRIL FOOLS OR MOTHER'S DAY?

2010-05-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

I thought Tom was trying to play a belated April Fool's joke on me this morning when he told me it was snowing! It's just spitting a bit of snow but still...geesh! It's so windy, that with the wind chill factor, it probably feels like winter out there!

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day!

GOOD GARDENING MAKES UP FOR CRUMMY FIDDLE HEADS!!

2010-04-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

The fiddle heads that I finally collected tasted awful. I hated them! Tom and Erin liked the first few and Thomas actually ate quite a few before he realized they weren't that great! I don't know why they tasted so good when I was a kid????

So, although this has been a week where I haven't felt so great, I've manage to still get a little gardening done. On the easy side I picked a few more beans from the plants on my window sill and now I'm up to 235 grams. I also thinned out my tomato and pepper seedlings that I started a couple weeks ago. I will still have to thin some more of the peppers and the impatiens when they get bigger. WOW, I just found out through spell check that I've always been wrong when I spelled it "impatients!" You learn something new everyday!

On the more difficult side, I was able to spend 2 or 3 hours working outside in my garden. I had dug a wide trench a week or so ago in order to do my pared down version of double digging. Yesterday I was able to add a couple of inches of decayed wood chips to the bottom and then made a good mix of peat moss, cow manure and the original soil to fill the rest in. I spent quite a bit of time mixing it all together. I plan to plant my carrots, beets and possibly swiss chard there and hope for the best. I have this nagging feeling that I will be extra disappointed when they don't grow well. Maybe reverse psychology will work. If I'm sure that nothing will grow maybe I'll be surprised when it's successful??? Reverse psychology seems to be working at least a bit when it comes to my migraines. Did I mention that I could be getting a migraine any minute now? If I keep saying that maybe I won't get one...oops that's being a bit too positive, maybe I should just say that I don't hold out much hope of this reverse psychology thing working! Well, at least if I'm a bit negative and skeptical of my new gardening bed, I won't be so disappointed if it fails to grow anything.

Anyhoo, I am quite proud of my new bed it's all fluffy and fertile looking! When I work so hard at something it gives me a very satisfied feeling. I hope to get out there today and work a bit more but it's supposed to be quite hot. Erin said it may get up to 80 degrees! EEK!

SARAH THE ARTIST

2010-04-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

Sarah loves to take pictures and I get to see the world through her eyes. Anyone can take a picture of a beautiful flower but it takes a real artist to see beauty in what others perceive as ugly

SARAH'S BUGS

2010-04-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

....and because one of Sarah's favorite photography subjects are bugs...

MORE FROM SARAH

2010-04-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

This is a battle that Sarah captured on film. A spider and ant fighting over the body of a dead comrade. Eventually the ant gives up and lets the spider have his friend.

SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME...

2010-04-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

I usually go on the computer first thing in the morning. If I feel the energy and the motivation I start to form a list of things that I want to do that day. At the end of the day it's nice to have that tired but satisfied feeling of a day filled with activity. I think now that I've had so many days where I don't feel well enough to do anything, I appreciate it all the more. I try to ignore the nagging feeling that I may never be able to do as much as I used to. I find sometimes I'm nagged by the fact that I don't have as much motivation anymore either. Sometimes this lack of motivation is due to not feeling well and sometimes it's due to being so out of shape compared to what I was.

So the funny aspect to all this is that I come up with this list that is a mile long, expecting that I will be able to do at least a half mile of it, only to accomplish an inch. It seems to be the story of our household. A story that we've learned to get a chuckle from. Just the other day we were laughing at the fact that we were discussing whether it took Tom two years or three to build the new closet in our bedroom. I figured in order to match that time frame, I would need to take my time at putting all our stuff back into the new closet! I'm not sure if it took me one or two months! It's not that we don't keep busy. Tom especially. He is a person who constantly needs to be doing something. I think it's really a function of our expectations. Once we had kids we didn't factor in the idea that we needed to spend time doing things with them. Of course we would not miss their childhood for anything. However, some where in the back of our minds we still think we can get as much done as in our pre child days. I think the reason that we are able to laugh about it is the fact that we still are able to get an incredible amount done. When I look at the "barn" (AKA shed) Tom built last year, as well as, the potting shed he helped Thomas build I am amazed that he was able to accomplish that along with the usual family vacations and just hanging out around here with the family. Oh yeah, and that little thing called a full time job! The amount that I accomplish is much less than Tom but I think I can give myself credit for the fact that I end up doing at least some things because it takes a lot of time to run a household...or at least in the way that I want to run it. I place a lot of value in being involved with my kids. I only have this time once. I know that we will all look back and be happy with how our lives went.

FIDDLE HEADS

2010-04-01T04:04:00.001-07:00

Well, I think I'm going to do it! I'm going to harvest some fiddle heads this year! I used to pick and eat fiddle heads as a child and I'd love to have them again. Fiddle heads are unfurled ferns. They taste good boiled with a little bit of butter.

Unfortunately, there are some potentially toxic aspects.... I've done quite a bit of researching and also some plain old searching! When I was young someone else told me where to find fiddle heads and I always just went back to the same place to pick them. I knew what they looked like but as an adult I wasn't sure if there were similar looking fiddle heads that weren't edible.

What I've learned is that I'm looking for Ostrich Ferns. Some people eat other kinds, but the Ostrich Fern is the only one that is completely safe. They have some" distinctive" characteristics. I've learned that they come up in clusters, have a groove in their stem and have a brown papery covering on them. I can remember the brown papery covering very clearly from my childhood.

I've located a good source and have been checking them for the past two weekends. I hope that they taste as good as I remember and I hope that at least someone else in my family likes them too.

BOOK REVIEW OF THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BY EILEEN FLANAGAN

2010-03-28T04:56:00.000-07:00

Eileen Flanagan is a Quaker that tries to live her religion. This book is for the religious person, as well as, the not so religious person like me. I never felt as if she was trying to judge me or make me follow her religion. She's truly written for everyone. For me it was a slow read only because it provoked me to really contemplate what she was writing. Every time I sat down to read I came away with a good feeling about life. It seemed as if each paragraph was filled with things that made me really think! A feel good book!

Click here for her blog.

ALWAYS MORE GARDENING TALK

2010-03-27T05:19:00.000-07:00

It seems that I never tire of gardening talk. Last weekend I managed to prepare the area where I wanted to plant my peas. Then I gave it a heavy dose of fertilizer. On Monday I was able to spend an hour planting the seeds just before it started to rain. I was so happy all week because I had been able to complete my goal! I think they will be slow to germinate because it's been somewhat cold ever since.

Yesterday I went to the store and bought a 3.8 cubic foot bag of peat moss, a 40 lb bag of pellet lime and ten 40 lb bags of cow manure. By the time I loaded it all onto my cart, I was huffing and puffing. I was sort of hoping that someone would take pity on me and help. I didn't feel like searching someone out to ask them for help. It all weight well over 500 lbs. I could barely push the cart up to the register. Again, I didn't fell like asking for help, I just hoped it would come my way. Nope. I pushed it out to the truck and loaded it in. One time my husband was loading stuff into the truck and two young guys thought they'd help the "old" guy with gray hair. Apparently, everyone figured I was young, healthy and rugged. I surprised myself when I was able to heft the bag of peat moss into the truck. Not only is it bulky, but I think it probably weighs 50 lbs. After driving home, the only thing I unloaded was the pellet lime in case it rained. Everything else is still out there waiting to be unloaded and carted up to the garden. On the way home I stopped at the local yard where you can buy wood chips, decorative rocks, topsoil, etc. I asked about the price for getting a half load of top soil in our truck and was told $15 so we will probably be getting two or three loads this year. As always we will also be buying at least a couple of full loads of wood chips for $25 each.

The green beans that I planted inside are doing great. They have a lot of 1 and 2 inch skinny little beans growing. It's so exciting but I will be happy when they are done. They have tons of little fruit flies or something similar flocking around them. I blame this on the fact that it was dirt that I had left in the pots out on the porch for months last summer/fall. They must have laid eggs in the soil and hatched out once they were inside. Now they are on their second hatching and it's just worse! Well, hopefully it will end up being worth it! Even if I don't get enough beans for a meal, the kids like to eat them raw.

It's much colder this weekend than last but hopefully I will still get out in the garden and get my hands dirty!

GEESE AND MORE GEESE

2010-03-27T05:03:00.000-07:00

Last spring I noted that I hardly heard or saw any Canadian Geese flying north for the summer. I wondered where they all were. This year I realized I just wasn't in the right place at the right time. On March 15th I was driving towards Scranton when I saw some geese over head. THOUSANDS OF GEESE!! First I saw one huge flock, then another and another until I realized that the flocks stretched for farther than the eye could see! I only had a chance to look south and not north because I couldn't believe my eyes! Finally all I could make out were tiny black dots in the telltale V format. I'm sure if I had turned and looked north I would have seen the same. As Sarah always says "I love nature!" and "I love living in Pennsylvania!"

SUCH A GOOD DRIVER

2010-03-27T04:07:00.000-07:00

Thursday we reached a new milestone. Thomas got his license! He passed with flying colors. Thomas like all teenagers was quite nervous. I hadn't been worried until I got out of the car and the tester got in. Thomas went to drive off and forgot to put it in drive. ROOOAAARRR! The tester's window was open so I tried not to laugh or say out loud "LORDY, this is NOT going to go well!" Thomas told me that he let out a "PHEW!" and calmed himself down and after that everything was perfect. He had been practicing parallel parking in a 22 foot space so he easily pulled into the 24 foot space they provided. I guess once he got it out of park the tester was impressed enough to tell me that Thomas seems to have a good head on his shoulders. The tester said he didn't even mark Thomas off for that his little mistake at the beginning.

So as for Thomas, he now can go anywhere he wants...if it wasn't for the fact that he'd rather stay home. As for me, in June Erin gets her permit and I will have to start all over again. Oh yeah, and soon I will be teaching Thomas to drive a stick shift since we plan to let him drive our pick up to school next year.

WARM THOUGHTS

2010-02-27T05:02:00.000-08:00

I'm quite stiff from shoveling and playing in the snow but I'm trying to look on the bright side. This is my way of getting in shape for the gardening season! It actually feels good to be able to do enough to get stiff. I've been battling my thyroid - literally - since my body seems to be wanting to kill it off a little more and make me increase my medication dose! I've already increased it twice and I'm not sure if that will be enough so in the meantime my brain has rebelled! It has triggered an episode of frequent migraines. I've been fighting the brain fog associated with those crazy neurons firing out of control! My strategy during this increased physical activity time is to keep saying "I hope I don't get a migraine from all this exercise!" I've decided to do this since some of my migraines seem to come out of the blue. It's sort of like the theory that it won't rain if you carry your umbrella! If I keep talking about migraines I won't get one?

Anyway, back to my real reason for writing this post. Although I have admitted that I'm totally enjoying this snow, I am definitely thinking about gardening! Anyone who knows me, knows that this is the time of year that I start puffing myself up with grandiose plans! I have so many ideas that I would have to garden full time to carry them all out. I've been gardening on some level since I moved here in 1986. I have not been very successful but I never cease to amaze myself with my enthusiasm. Normally, in other areas of my life, failure sends me running but for some reason with gardening it just makes me dig in and try harder (pun intended). I'm sure that other people just find me annoying. However, my family as always, pulls through and listens with interest. My son, Thomas, seems to be just as oblivious to reality as I am. They even purchased an upright freezer for me in anticipation of all the vegetables I will grow and freeze! Fortunately, I like to buy things on sale and stock up, so right now it's filled with a supply of sale items.

So, keeping in mind that I will not be boring tons of readers with my current gardening plans I am going to write a little bit about what I want to do this spring and summer. Landismom, being the only outside reader, I warn you, you may want to escape now when you can! The following is sort of a record for myself of my insanity when it comes to gardening. It's quite long and drawn out!

I've been reading some gardening blogs because I love to hear from people who have started out with lousy soil. Our soil has so much clay in it that it crusts over like concrete when it dries. It has so few nutrients that two of the three that I tested last year didn't even register as being there at all. There are so many rocks that when you dig them out you are left with a hole that must be filled with something. I love reading and seeing pictures of gardens that a person claims has started out as clay. It gives me hope and gives me ideas. I know about composting and adding organic material. In spots our garden at least looks and feels better. Last year was the first year that I finally tested the soil. I then started the season with a good dose of pellet fertilizer. It gave the garden a good boost to begin with but now I realize that all too soon the seedlings eat up all the goodies and this year I will be using side dressings of fertilizer as well as Miracle Grow. I doubt if I will over fertilize but if I do, I am used to failure and it won't dampen my spirits at all!

One garden blog I read talked about "double digging" and I plan to use my own version in my garden. The real version involves digging down greater than twelve inches and I won't be doing that! What I will do is dig down as deep as I can, add a layer of mulch in the form of semi decayed wood chips and call it a day. I will try to do it as much as I can but won't be able to do it in the entire garden. I read that it really helped with someone's carrots. I've never had much luck with carrots so I'm looking for all the help I can get. I will also add more organic matter and really loosen the soil. I think in the past I've been reluctant to thin my carrots enough to allow good growth. This year I will force myself to thin them to at least three inches apart....okay, I really should go with the four inches that is recommended! Can you see me with my ruler?!

I did have some luck with Swiss Chard last year and got two meals worth so that gives me encouragement to follow my dream of a good crop of spinach! I would love to get enough to freeze some since I've been finding that the store bought spinach now has a weird taste. I'm thinking it's some special wash to kill off any e. coli? Since it's a cool weather crop I can grow it (or not grow it) in the same spot that I plan to grow my green beans - a warm weather crop. The spinach will be harvested just in time to plant my beans...maybe.

I've always wanted to grow pumpkins and watermelon and I have enough room but I don't have enough of the garden prepared for planting. Preparing it means digging out those horrible rocks and adding organic matter and fertilizer. That last part is what has always held me back. I'm bound and determined to do it this year! I will dig out small spots where I will plant the seeds and let the vines ramble over the area that can barely grow weeds.

I have had luck in growing plenty of strawberries but the berries are so stunted and pinched looking that they never amounted to much. I've learned that it's probably from the tarnished plant bug and this year I will be spraying them before the start of the season and during times that the flowers aren't present. I will be using a pesticide with neem oil since I've never been too keen on spraying chemicals and its a natural pesticide. Since neem oil is pretty much non toxic I will spray it a couple of times in the rest of my garden as well. It would also be nice if I could find a spot to plant the numerous strawberry runners that seem to be taking over the strawberry patch!

I'm very good at saving kitchen scraps for composting but I fall short when it comes to turning the compost pile. Last year I had a method of dumping a bucket of scraps in an untilled area of the garden and covering it with a combination of shredded paper, newspaper and sawdust with the hopes that it will break down and form wonderful soil. With my luck I will only succeed in attracting all the worms in my garden to that area leaving the rest of my garden worm free! No matter, I plan to do another version of this and dig a hole (long, wide and about 6 inches deep). In this hole I will dump my kitchen scraps and then cover them with leaves and sawdust to keep down the smell. I will watch as hopefully I eventually have the hole filled with fertile soil. The only problem with this is those ROCKS! Two years ago was the last time I did that kind of digging and the area was only about two by three feet and that took me over two hours!

Since I have other plans for my compost, I will use my compost bin for something else this year. I'm going to try to use it to grow potatoes. This idea came from the old potato that sprouted there last year. Why not fill the top half with dirt (there's still compost in the bottom half) and throw in some organic potatoes from the store?

I plan to buy some two by fours to box off my planting areas. I have a tendency to step on top of areas that I just planted so hopefully this will keep me off those poor seeds. Thomas has also told me that I should get some pieces of scrap plywood to step on since he says he cringes when I compact the soil so much in between the plantings.

I'm scared of the blight that hit my tomatoes last year so this year along with the tomatoes I plant in my garden I will grow some cherry tomatoes in pots on my porch. My next door neighbor grew hers on her deck last year, protected them from the over abundance of rain and had no problems with blight. I will also grow most if not all of my peppers on the porch. Last year I had thrown the two "runts of the litter" (smallest pepper seedlings) into a pot on my porch and they were the only peppers that grew.

I always try new veggies in the garden so besides the spinach I will try cauliflower and possibly some corn. I would also like to try thyme but that's a perennial and would involve preparing a permanent spot....more rocks, sigh!

So I think that is enough to keep me busy for awhile and even if only a little gets accomplished I will be happy! The limiting factor seems to be my poor decrepit body!

GIANT SNOWBALL

2010-02-25T05:15:00.001-08:00

We had fun playing in the snow yesterday. Thomas, Erin and I made this huge snow ball. It was actually more of a wheel but it tipped over. We spent about half an hour trying to get it back upright using boards but we finally gave up! We got about a foot of snow with more to come today. They are predicting at least a foot maybe even two!

This year I've decided that I will not agree with all the people who complain about the snow. I LOVE a huge snow storm and too often I just nod my head in agreement with all the people who complain. It's been sort of funny because people tend to give me a funny look when I say "to tell you the truth, I love the snow and I'm hoping for a big blizzard!"

PIT BULL ATTACK!!

2010-01-09T06:17:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve I realized that I was missing a few ingredients for my Christmas Day turkey dinner so I went to the grocery store along with many other grumpy shoppers. I was not grumpy but a man in the checkout line was grumpy! I stepped up to one of the self checkout registers only to hear "THE LINE STARTS BACK THERE!!!" I turned around to be confronted by a man that was less than happy with what he conceived as my blatant attempt at cutting in line. As he gave me a look that could kill his wife sarcastically said "wouldn't that be nice if we didn't have to wait in line". I tried to assure the man that I was not trying to cut and I sheepishly hid behind the last person in line. Which by the way, extended down a nearby aisle where the last person in line told me she had made the same mistake. I waited while thinking how one grumpy person can douse all your holiday spirit. I have not been feeling well (more migraine and thyroid troubles) so I've already been struggling to keep up my holiday spirit. I had been pretty successful until that point. I made my purchases and headed home.

After putting things away I decided to go for a relaxing walk through my neighborhood. I invited anyone in the family who wanted to come along. Thomas and Tom took me up on my offer. It was nice until we were headed up a particularly steep hill and Thomas sort of calmly said "Oh no". I had been looking down at the road as I worked my way up the hill. Since Thomas had been so calm I'm surprised that I immediately looked up. I was just in time to see a black Pit Bull charging down the hill barking and snarling as it came! I had no time to think but my immediate reaction was to bellow out "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!!??!!" As I did this I grabbed Tom's arm as if to pull him back out of harm's way and leaned toward the dog. My tone was that of a super authoritative parent yelling at a child that has been caught doing something bad. As I yelled this, it was only a few feet away from us, it stopped in it's tracks with a shocked look on its face. I think my face must have had a matching shocked look. It turned tail and slunk away with it's eyes nervously shifting back and forth to keep an eye on us. In only a couple of seconds I realized that it was working and I decided that I needed to follow up with an added "GIT HOME".

The owner came out to see what was going on and she gave us an unhappy stare. The only part of my reaction to the situation that I am unhappy with is that I told the owner I was sorry for being so loud but that we had been scared. She never said a word, never called the dog back.

We continued our walk on rubbery legs. After awhile, we began to laugh and we wished that we had a video tape of the incident. It really had a humorous side. Thomas shared the same view as the dog. He thought I was really scary and told me that actually I had scared him more than the dog!

I found my reaction quite interesting. When I was young we had a mean horse that would attack with his teeth bared if he caught you out in his field! My older sister had drilled into my head that if this happened that I should NEVER run! I should stand my ground and yell at him. It was always quite scary but it worked every time. I credit my sister's training and maybe one too many episodes of Dog Whisperer with my smart reaction. I was definitely "Alpha Dog"! I can't say that I would react the same way the next time but everyone is happy with what I did this time! I know I have a tendency to hold back in other situations when the owner is in view because I guess on some level I feel as if they should take care of the situation. However, I'm trying to drill into my head that I need to take care of business no matter who's around! Tom kept wondering "what kind of person has a dog like that?!" It's bad enough that they have a dog that is viscious but the fact that they seem not to care about protecting others is even worse. I've reported it to the community association and they notified them that next time the dog warden will be called. I just hope that next time someone doesn't get really hurt. That dog was out for blood and most people would NOT stand up to it! If you ran I'm sure it would continue it's attack! As for me, I guess I'm proud that I can stop a charging pitbull with just the sound of my voice!

NEW YEARS AT HARTMANN SQUARE

2010-01-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

Thomas's Ball Dropping Tower. After Christmas I was looking for left over Christmas lights at 50% off and there on the shelf was this ball calling my name! One time years ago, Thomas had made his version of the New Year's Ball to lower using a Kinex tower. When I saw this ball I knew I had to ask him to make one this year! He tried to guess when to start it so it would hit the ground at exactly midnight and he was perfect! Thomas is 5 foot 6 inches (a giant in our family) and he made the tower to just fit in our 7 foot 6 inch ceilings. We toasted the New Year with Fake Champagne...as Sarah says...not to be confused with "Lake Champlain".

We enjoyed our usual Rumless Strawberry Dacquiris while waiting for midnight. We took out our "New Years Eve Predictions" book that we started in 2006. We read 2008's events and predictions. Then we made our entry for this year. We start by writing down the kids ages, heights and weights and then they make predictions for what their height and weight will be for next year. We then write all the events we can remember that happened in 2009. Although we did write down that Michael Jackson and Billy Mays died, mostly the events are things that happened in our family. From the exciting to the mundane. We don't pressure ourselves to remember everything and its definitely not in order. Then we make our predictions for what will happen in 2010. Thomas tends to make predictions involving numbers "they will find a 100,000,000 digit prime number" (the same prediction from last year since it wasn't done). Sarah tends to make silly ones like "George (her cat) will be even cuter". Erin jumps on that bandwagon and predicts "Derek (Thomas's cat) will have a puppy". Tom predicts things that he wants to do "I will finish the wood floor in our bedroom". I predict hopeful things "Our garden will produce 100.01 pounds of vegetables next year" (Thomas helped me with that one by coming up with the exact number - ha ha) We do actually predict some normal stuff too. We made it to midnight and we even heard my brother's fireworks - all the way from Georgia!

Today will be putting away our plastic champagne glasses that say "2000" on them and storing away the blender until next year. Other than that we will be making our traditional ginger bread houses...well actually house since we decided to duplicate our house if that's possible.

GOOD BYE BEAU

2009-11-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

BEAU HARTMANN

1996 - NOVEMBER 5, 2009

LOVED BY ALL

About two weeks ago I had to have Beau "put to sleep". He had brain cancer and had started to have seizures. Although he recovered from his seizures after a day or two he was never the same as he had been. Even though he was thirteen, he was known for frolicking around like a puppy right up until about two months ago. After his third seizure I brought him to the vet and knew what had to be done. Yes, I could have dragged out his life but chose to let him go. Now that it is done, I have no regrets. I realize that I was becoming used to him dragging around without much zest for life. I prefer to remember him as that happy go lucky dog that never met a stranger. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. People who didn't like dogs liked him. How could you not like him when he came charging at you as if you were the best person in the world that had nothing better to do than scratch him behind the ears! We got him when he was 5 and spent 7 1/2 happy years with him. I have many fond memories of him and still miss him. I miss tripping over him, I miss the walks I had to bring him on rain or shine, I miss feeding him pop corn, I miss having him clean up every crumb that hit the floor and so many other things!

Good bye Beau...

CROSS COUNTRY RUNNING

2009-09-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

This year Sarah joined the middle school cross country team so that means that all three of my kids are now runners. I really enjoy being on the sidelines, watching the whole process. I am happy and proud of my kids but maybe for different reasons than one would think.

Thomas is the fast runner of the family, the team member that the coach counts on to do well. Of course it makes him happy to do well but what really makes him happy is the act of running. He loves cross country because the races are over three miles long. He really wants to try running a 10K race which is about twice as long as that. When I try to imagine what is making him happy, I think it must be the feel of his body moving so fast and smoothly over the terrain. The feel of being young and strong. To know that his body can run eight miles in practice must be wonderful. I can see it in his eyes, in his smile.

Erin is not a fast runner but I know that she also enjoys the act of running because she has said so. She can run without the pressure of having the coaches push her to beat the other team. When she runs I don't need to count on her winning to praise her because I have no problem seeing good things. I have watched her for 3 years improving. This year I've seen how strong her body has become, the muscles in her legs have become defined. Her form is now that of a strong runner, gone is the exhausted look she had in the beginning. She must feel it too. Inside of her must be that deep satisfaction that comes from hard work. A pride that is too often squelched in teenage girls.

Sarah has only been practicing for three weeks and this is the hardest time for any runner. The aching muscles, the frustration of your body not being as strong or fast as you'd like and the nagging feeling that maybe you just aren't good enough. The only way of overcoming these things is to stick with it. As a parent this is where things get tough. I'm supposed to say encouraging things at a time when she feels so discouraged. Through the tears I just want to tell her to forget it, just quit. In some ways she wants to hear that very thing but we both know that just shouldn't happen. Not now. She needs to meet this challenge. She needs to see it through and hopefully in the end she'll think its worth it. She will see the improvement and feel the strength. As I came to pick her up from practice one day I saw her sprinting the last little bit. When she got into the van she told me how she just loved the feel of zooming along and seeing the ground flying by under her. Its there, that love of running, we'll just hope it survives the pain!

CHANGING SEASONS

2009-09-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

This was a post that I wrote in the middle of January 2009 and for some reason never published it...I wonder why? I find that interesting so have decided to publish it now just at the end of summer, a glimpse into the heart of winter.

I'm not one to spend much time watching the weather channel so this new snow that is falling is a bit of a surprise for me. I usually count on other people to tell me about the approach of the latest storm or I just let the weather happen as it will. The last I heard we were just getting a few snow showers. I would guess we already have 5 inches and its still coming down.

I am not sick of winter yet. I haven't had a chance to go ice skating. We were planning to go today but I will have to see if anyone has the energy to shovel off the spot on the lake. By the time February rolls around winter will be a drag. Gone will be the joy of a freshly fallen snow. Tending a toasty fire will just become a chore. The biting cold will no longer be brisk and refreshing. March will taunt us with a few warm days only to be followed by a whirling snow storm. I'll long for spring. I'll pay attention to every little sign. In February I will listen for the birds. They sing more and more because they realize soon the warm weather will come. Before I know it, the geese will be coming back and the green will sprout.

I love the changing of the seasons. Just when you think you can't take anymore of one season, another one jumps in to take over.

LIVING GREEN

2009-07-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

I hate getting sucked into doing things because they are a fad. Lately, the big fad seems to be living green and saving money. I've had a garden for years and I really have always loved to be careful with my money. Some of the things that I've done have seemed laughable in the past but now are common place.

I save almost all my kitchen scraps in a bucket on my back deck for composting. I've made sure to not let my neat freak in laws see it but now it may be something that I can be proud of. I often walk around with dirt under my fingernails because I don't usually wear gardening gloves. I can now be proud instead of worrying what people will think of me. Instead of wondering why I have a dilapidated fence in a spot on my front lawn visitors ask what I'm growing.

Instead of explaining that I hate shopping and would rather not spend unnecessarily, people might ask me how I manage to save so much. No longer will I be smirked at while rifling through my coupons.

To be fair, over the years most people have not criticized me for my way of being but now its nice to revel in the fact that I may be admired for my garden and cheapness! I wonder how long this fad will last?

MY KIDS ARE GREAT PEOPLE

2009-07-01T05:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend,

I meant to write about this in my last post but I sort of got off on a tangent and it didn't seem to fit in very well and I decided to make it a separate post.

As my kids have grown older I've been able to enjoy them as people more. When they were younger I was spending much of my time teaching them how to be good people and teaching them to be able to live a happy and fulfilling life. I still do guide them but mostly they've become who they will be. And I like them. I like to spend time with them. I like to have everyday conversations with them. If they weren't already my children I would choose them as friends.

It may not be socially correct to say that time with younger kids can be a lot of tedious work but it can be. Its hard to read that same children's book for the 500th time. Its hard to answer those endless questions that start with "why..." I know that I was supposed to be dreamy eyed with wonderment as my children discovered the world but its hard to do that when you are changing a poopy diaper or surviving one of many tantrums. Its maddening when someone tells you to cherish every moment because time goes so fast. I can remember many times when I did feel awe in the magic of motherhood. I can remember staring at Thomas when he read his first chapter book. I still smile when I think about Erin crashing her electric jeep and her first thought was the safety of Sarah who was riding with her. Sarah amazed me when she was two and she drew a picture of me flying a kite and I could actually tell what it was. Yes many times it is enjoyable but that doesn't change the fact that its so much gosh darn work!

Now that I have a preteen and two teenagers I don't need to do so much work. I don't need to be following them around every minute guiding them through life. More and more they are following their own paths. Each path is interesting and I get to walk beside them instead of pushing from behind. I'm spending this time with them and mostly not worrying where it leads. Its nice to enjoy them without the worry. I feel confident that they can handle the bumps along the way.

THESE ARE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE

2009-07-01T05:29:00.001-07:00

Dear Friend,

Although some days I'm grumpy, I realize that these days truly are the best days of my life. After the many unhappy days of my childhood and the following adult years when I was trying to sort out my past, I am finally in a time when I can just sit back and soak in the happiness. Sometimes I look back with regret on how much time that seemed to be wasted on lamenting my relationship with my parents. I guess it was just what I needed to go through at the time.

This is a time that most of the hard work has been done raising my kids. They've reached an age where I can enjoy the fruits of my labor. All the worrying whether I was doing the right thing has come to a point that I can realize yes, I was doing the right thing. I'm not saying that I don't have bad days where I wonder if I've made some mistakes. I have made some mistakes and sometimes this thought can be overwhelming, but in general I am happy with myself as a mother. I am extremely happy with my kids. I have a great husband and three great kids and that means that I am surrounded by people who I love and people who love me. What more could a person ask for? In a world where success is measured in dollars, I know a secret. Success is not about how much money you make or how many things you possess, it's about how happy you are. Everyone wants to be loved and unfortunately some people confuse popularity or admiration for love. I may not be super popular and I may not have hoards of people admiring me, but I have four people who love me. FOUR! A person could be happy with just one person loving them and I've got FOUR!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2009-06-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

I know I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate you but after 22 years of marriage I couldn’t ask for a better husband.

I appreciate what a good father you are and how you would rather be with your family than anywhere else. You never acted like you were “babysitting” the kids when they were younger. I could leave them with you without having to worry.

I appreciate that you are calm and not prone to worry about the same things as me.

I appreciate all the jobs you do around the house; like taking care of the cars, getting the garbage ready, emptying the dishwasher on the weekend, carrying the laundry down the stairs for me, straightening the shoes up and so MANY other things.

I appreciate that you seem to think I look like a super model even though I’m a pleasingly plump middle aged house wife.

I appreciate that you always want to listen to me, even my sometimes repeated stories.

I appreciate that you always like my cooking.

I appreciate that you don’t complain about the menagerie of animals that we have in the house.

I appreciate that you go to work everyday to earn money even when you don’t feel like it.

I appreciate that you pop the camper up and put it down and that you can back it into those spaces at the campground!

These are just some of the things that I appreciate about being married to you! How lucky we are that some how with you being in New Jersey and me being in New Hampshire we still met and what a lucky day when you decided to visit me on my farm!

LOVE,
ELISE

LIVING THE GOOD LIFE

2009-05-31T04:28:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Sarah, Thomas, Beau and I walked down to the lake. After spending a little time at the dam, we went to the beach. As we were letting Beau frolic in the water and Thomas skip rocks, Sarah and I watched the geese slowly swimming towards us. Sarah commented how great it would be to be like the geese. They were in no hurry to get anywhere. Their whole life is about eating, sleeping and pooping. They didn't have a care in the world. I told Sarah that we could be like them but she'd probably be bored. It does make a person stop to ponder how we live our lives. Are we really happy with what we choose to do?

A couple times in my life I've had people make comments about their lives that made me sit back and wonder. Once, a long time ago, I was in a local grocery store that I had briefly worked at. I considered the job to be the worse that I ever had. As I was chatting with the check out woman she came out with "I LOVE my job! I will probably work here forever!" She really meant it. She loved her job and since she must have spent 40 hours every week there, she apparently loved her simple little life. She was quite young, in her early 20's. To tell you the truth, my first reaction was shock. How could this be? My second reaction was to admire her for her great outlook on life. In the end, who am I to say that her life is simple. Her life is enriched and fulfilling. All because of her positive attitude.

Even longer ago, I was still living in New Hampshire and working as a cashier at the local hospital cafeteria. I did like that job most of the time and have many fond memories of the people I worked with. Another cashier, Evelyn, an older woman, seemed to be a bit of a grump. One day I had a chance to look beyond her grumpy side and find out that she too enjoyed life. How many of us in New Hampshire liked to complain about the long, cold winter? Not Evelyn, she loved the winter. She lived for the winter because she loved to ride snowmobiles. When she talked of this her eyes lit up. I guess she'll never be a snowbird heading to Florida for the winter.

In general I love my life but many times I choose to complain instead of appreciate. Gratefulness is not something that always comes naturally to me. Sometimes it does but all to often I get sucked into the annoyances. When I look at the big picture, I realize that all these negative events that are seemingly crucial at the time, are really just a blip on the radar of life.

Recently I had a situation that once again caused me to focus on my health. A new problem. I spent one day turning it over, around and sideways. I spent another day with it churning around in my subconscious. The emotions leaving a hole bouncing around in my stomach. Today, the third day, I am going to try my darnedest to get it out of there. It is not something that is affecting the way I feel physically, just another thing to worry about. Where did worry ever get anyone?

As I said, sometimes having a positive attitude is difficult for me but more and more I am trying to learn to say "I love my life!"

QUE SERA, SERA

2009-04-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend,

I read a few blogs and wonder if other people feel pressure to write frequent posts. I do not have followers to my blog so I never feel pressure to keep on posting. Its nice to be able to write when I want or not write if I don't want to.

My current phase of parenting involves preparing my kids for the fast approaching world of adulthood. Thomas is a sophomore in high school and Erin is a freshman. Sarah is still in sixth grade so she's got a ways to go. As my teenagers pick classes for next year, we begin to talk about college and the future. With these discussions come choices that seemingly will affect how they will live the rest of their lives.

I strongly feel that I want to guide my children in the direction that is best for them. On the one hand you have society's pressure that a person must reach their full potential. Give 100% to be the best that you can be. Then on the other hand I wonder if that is the best way to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Do we really need to spend every moment working as hard as we are capable of working? What will make us truly happy? My kids have the ability to get accepted at one of the top colleges but is that really what they want to do? Work their butts off and then what? Is the satisfied feeling of a job well done really enough? Does that kind of success really buy happiness? Maybe when they graduate college they will get a top paying job. A high pressure job. Then can they buy happiness? I think not.

As Thomas pointed out to me "Mom, I notice that no one talks about being happy." He said this when we were discussing how people were giving him advice on what classes to take next year. When he went to sign up for next year's schedule he had been recommended to take six college level advanced placement (AP) classes. When he said that he only wanted to take two AP classes the guidance counselor told him that he either had to take all six or meet with the teachers to discuss why he didn't want to take them. I knew from previous experience that all that was necessary was a phone call from me to remind them that I needed to sign off on the schedule and I wouldn't do that unless they listened to what Thomas wanted.

I've warned Thomas that many people in his life will want to give him free advice and that most of these people will not have his best interests in mind. The guidance counselor trying to persuade Thomas to take six AP courses is a perfect example of this. The more kids that fill the school's AP courses, the better the school looks. But as one of the AP teachers pointed out, "its at the children's expense". No one is really interested in what Thomas's life will be like ten years down the line.

So I am left with the dilemma whether I push my children to reach their full potential or do I let them know its okay to sit back and relax. Where is the line that gives them the balance that will see them through. Grades, SAT scores, extra curricular activities, college acceptance, high paying job....how much of it really matters. Will they be any happier than the Grand Union cashier who once told me "I LOVE MY JOB!!" and she really meant it?

At this point I've done what I've done. I've raised them to have a good work ethic. Is this work ethic too strong? I may never know. They will need to make their own way in this world and I hope that they will recognize what makes them happy and what makes them unhappy. I can only sit back and hope for the best.

SPRING IS COMING!

2009-02-08T05:19:00.001-08:00

Dear Friend,

February is a month of contradictions for me. I am quite sick of winter by this time. The thought that spring will not come until April and I still have to survive March is a bit depressing. On the other hand, it makes me appreciate all the little signs that spring is right around the corner. Every year I notice some new thing that signals the coming of the warm weather. The first sign I always notice are the birds singing their new songs. I guess they are letting potential mates know that they are almost ready to start a family.

I've been walking Beau through the woods this year instead of on the road and I've noticed even more signs there. I see mouse tracks going from hole to hole. They are starting to come out of their miniature dens. I like to picture them hopping about. I see an extra long trail that starts out with a lot of distance between tracks until the mouse tires and the hops are shorter. I see the trail that sinks deep into the snow...a fat mouse? There are small tunnels close to the surface of the snow, I guess these must be moles. I see where the squirrels are now digging down through the snow to get to acorns that they stashed last fall. This is new and I wonder if maybe they first eat the ones stored in trees and now they are getting more desperate.

The weather has been warming up these past couple of days and I appreciate this more than I would once spring is here in full force. Every day that the thermometer gets into the 40's is a blessing in disguise! I know that the temperature will plunge once again but the closer we get to spring the less dramatic the fluctuations will be.

By February the windows on the vehicles are so encrusted with salt that we have trouble seeing out of them. Yesterday Tom went to wash the van at the car wash as a birthday present for me. With the warm weather people were out in droves washing their cars. The human hibernation is over!

So, although February can be draining it can also be inspiring. I don't take all those little things for granted.....once spring is here I will be happy but complaining about those monster Pennsylvania black flies swarming about my head!

UNSOLICITED ADVICE

2009-01-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Friend,

I have a relationship that I've been thinking about a lot. This person continuously gives me unsolicited advice. She does have a lot of redeeming qualities. She can be very nice and caring. She can also be sort of mean. I use the words sort of because she is never blatant in her meanness. She's a know-it-all who loves to tell people what to do. She analyzes everything I tell her and tells me what I'm doing wrong. Nothing makes her happier than to tell someone "I told you so." She talks behind her friends backs. She considers me a friend and I know she talks behind my back as well.

I've tried to figure out why I've become friends with her. Am I somehow attracted to her because I need to be abused? Do I feel as if I deserve this? It's said that people treat us the way they do because we let them. Do I need to stop her from treating me this way? Do I need to end the friendship? Right now I feel as if I'm in a holding pattern. I have resorted to being careful with everything I tell her until I fiure this thing out. Its been a way to protect myself from hurtfulness.

Its on my mind because I feel that I am on the cusp of understanding something significant. I'm on the edge of figuring this out but I can't quite get a grip on it. There are many people like her. I don't think they really search out weak people. She's in discriminant in who she inflicts herself on. The only thing that changes is how people react to her. It has helped me to look at all people that have similar characteristics. I thought about all people who try to have power over others. They may all do it in different ways but the bottom line is still about power.

Before, I've always felt that her advice is her way of showing she cares. I'm now coming to see things a different way. If she truly cared, she would see that her words often hurt me and she would stop. Instead she seems to enjoys these interactions. I see her with one of those old fashioned ice hooks. She hooks me with her words. I fight and kick but she drags me along anyways. I've been wondering what she gets out of this. I've come to the conclusion that a person like this loves to see people squirm. It makes them feel powerful to control others with their words. And what is power all about? Ego. It boosts their ego. And why would someone need their ego boosted? Because they are insecure. Understanding this will serve me well when dealing with all people.

I'm still formulating my plan for how I will now handle our "friendship" but I'm glad I've gotten this far in my understanding. I need to picture myself being pinned down by one of these bullies and being able to handle it with grace. Unfortunately, I do see this person as a bully. It may seem like a harsh word but I think that is the part that I have been on the edge of understanding. It took me so long to figure this out because it is so harsh. This is a person I called a close friend but this person is indeed a bully.

DEAR FRIEND

2009-01-29T05:45:00.001-08:00

The reason I write this blog is to have a diary of the happenings in my life and my thoughts and feelings about those happenings. Although I do not really have a following like some bloggers do, I like that this is public because it keeps me from revealing names or saying really hurtful things. I would not want a journal that displays just a meanness. I purposely do not tell my friends and relatives about this blog because I would have to censor myself in ways that I would not like. I would have to wonder if they would take something the wrong way or think that I was talking about them. I've found in my interactions with my friends and relatives they are often very sensitive and manage to twist my words to make themselves believe I've hurt them. Maybe its true that I am a mean person but I've learned to try to be careful with what I say. In the end however, I feel as if I'm only talking about mundane things with them. Whether I'm mean or not, this is who I am and I feel I've changed enough.

So with all this in mind I've decided to treat this blog as a good friend. A good friend who will not judge me, who listens with interest and is not overly sensitive.

WANT ME TO PLAY YOU A SONG?

2009-01-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

I've been teaching myself to play the keyboard. I've wanted to learn to play the piano since I was a teenager. A piano was too expensive and heavy so instead we bought a used keyboard. I looked up some basic information on the Internet and printed out a few easy songs and away I went.

It has helped that my son plays quite well. I've counted on him to play songs for me so I'll know how they sound and also to recommend what I should learn next. Right now he is pushing me to move on to learn the next song...I think he's pushing for the easy version of the Entertainer. I'm not sure if he's pushing because he really thinks I'm ready or he is just sick of hearing Fur Elise over and over and over! My mantra has now become "Want me to play you a song? Guess what it will be?" I think part of the reason that I've become obsessed with this particular song is that my name is Elise. After all it was written fur me!

Obsession is definitely the word for what's going on here. One day I played so much my vision was blurry and I felt dizzy (part of my unhealthiness). Its sort of weird because I am not a person who becomes obsessed with things. My attention span is just too short. In this case I guess I've just always had this goal of being able to play and I really want that dream to come true. I want to get to the point that I am no longer struggling to play the notes but I'm playing with feeling.

I have Scott Joplin on CD and love The Entertainer. I always listen to his music and can feel his emotions and now I want to be able to play it with emotions. I guess I'm ready....on to The Entertainer!

HAPPY NEW YEAR?

2009-01-18T04:33:00.000-08:00

As 2009 progresses I am wondering if this will be the year that I'll get my life back. I spent much I 2008 mired in all my health issues. I would wake up thinking about how awful I felt and go to sleep thinking how awful I felt. I was constantly wondering what was wrong with me and what would make me better. I can remember being in the midst of everything thinking that it had literally hijacked my life.

Somewhere along the way I realized that there wasn't going to be a magic pill to make me feel better. I think this realization happened gradually over the course of several months. I can't say that this realization was what made me stop thinking about my health constantly. What has really done that, is the fact that I do indeed feel better than I did for most of 2008. I am wary of this new found health. On the one hand I appreciate feeling better and on the other hand I wonder how long it will last. When will I be thrown back into the grip of sickness. Grip is the perfect word for how I felt. I wanted it to let go, but it seemed to be holding too tight.

I am not taking this time for granted. I appreciate my health for what it is. Not perfect but better. I have hope for the New Year.

2008-12-28T06:12:00.001-08:00

MY YEAR IN REVIEW

CHAPTER 1

I started the year on a new medication that was supposed to get rid of my migraines. I had started to get a lot the previous October. It seemed to be helping until February when I had a really bad spell. Let's just say that they call it "migraine disease" because its not just a headache. Lucky Tom, he was home recovering from his shoulder surgery during my worse week where I got a migraine 6 out of 7 days and I was in bed with a brain that was barely functioning...somewhat scary for me since my vision was not working properly. He took care of the kids, he managed to drive them to school and back. Anyway, Tom's surgery was to remove a calcium deposit that had built up and was limiting the movement in his arm so he couldn't raise it over his head. It was causing quite a bit of pain and had gotten to the point that it was interrupting his sleep. The surgeon who removed it did a very good job. So good in fact that he had told us that he hadn't gotten all of the deposit but when I asked him to show me the remainder on the xray at Tom's follow-up visit he just said "hmmm, good question I must have done better than I thought!" Tom has another less painful deposit in the other shoulder...someday.

So eventually when my brain cleared enough to think a little I decided to change doctors. I researched and decided on one that had excellent reviews in Philadelphia (also an office in NJ). I went to him at the beginning of June. He discovered I had an iron deficiency and I've been on iron ever since. Also changed my thyroid medication. Just to finish up about me, me, me....I went to the Jefferson Headache Center in Philadelphia at the end of September and am now on an anti seizure med (no, I don't get seizures but it helps with migraines). I also just started on Magnesium which is supposed to help. I can honestly say that I feel much better than in February but I am still very far from being 100%. My plan for the new year is to hope my health gets better and better and I can begin to get back into shape. Thomas and I walked 2.5 miles yesterday (using the new Christmas handheld GPS we got the family for Christmas) and I didn't get a migraine. Small steps. It'd be nice to lose the extra 15-20 lbs I've gained since becoming unhealthy, heck, I'd be nice to lose the extra 15 pounds I gained from being pregnant with Sarah (now 12 years old) but I'm going to focus more on feeling better. This all started in 2006 and this spring it will be three years that I've been struggling with this, enough already.

CHAPTER 2

So on to happy stuff. In January before I went down hill Erin and I were sitting around and we got an idea! ROAD TRIP! We both had always wanted to go to Dollywood, it must have been that special we had seen on TV. So I began to plan out a trip for June as soon as the kids were out of school. On the way down we went on the Cape May ferry. It was fun to have our van on a boat! The Chesapeake Bay bridge and tunnel was pretty neat too. We stopped first in New Port News, VA. We went to Busch Gardens as well as Colonial Williamsburg. It was fun but hot as heck and I was wondering how we would make it in Tennessee! It turned out it must have been a bit of a heat wave because the rest of the trip was fine.

Next on to Everett's house in Georgia to see all our southern redneck relatives. Just joking, they were all quite sophisticated. It turned out to be the perfect stop for us. At this point in the trip I think we all needed to stay in a real house for a couple of nights. The kids all felt like they were at a resort! Everett's master bath is as big as one of our bedrooms! Erin's getting ideas for her future home....she better stick with school and become a really great biologist! The first thing we did was to go to Everett's community pool. After driving all day it was nice to float around and relax. Back at Everett's house the kids decided to shoot some pool while taking "breaks" to exercise on all of Everett and Denise's equipment. No wonder Everett and Denise are looking so great AND no wonder my kids are so skinny! We all enjoyed the great variety of drinks that they had...sort of like those wet bars in the hotel rooms. The next day we went to the zoo with Everett, (unfortunately Denise had to work). Although Sarah had somewhat of a melt down I had a really great time! Lets just say, when Sarah has had too much excitement the beast from within surfaces but we still love her! Its a shame since she is the one who likes animals the most. The zoo is where I took our Christmas picture in that really neat stand of bamboo.

We had wanted to go to the Japanese restaurant while we were there because we knew that the kids would love it. It met all our expectations and more. I wasn't sure if Erin would like the food because she doesn't really like Chinese food. I've realized that Japanese food is much less greasy and the flavoring is not so overpowering as Chinese food. As a weird coincidence, it was me and Tom's anniversary so we were treated to some sort of umbrella ceremony. The restaurant sent us home with a picture of us and the family and a special set of chopsticks. Everett and Denise treated us to dinner...thanks again guys.

We had a great time at Everetts but on to Tennessee! We made a short trek to Lookout Mountain. We rode the very steep and scary inclined railroad and the entire time discussed what would happen if the cable broke. We did manage some nervous glances at the view. We spent more time looking once we reached the top. We also went to Rock City and walked through and were quite impressed with all the interesting places. I've always enjoyed walking and hiking and it was just enough to be fun but not poop me out. Sarah wouldn't go on the rope bridge and Erin was a little weak in the knees as she crossed but Thomas wanted to bounce up and down. Some yelling ensued and he calmed down. Ha ha. I think my favorite attraction was the Tennessee Aquarium. It has two buildings one for ocean fish and one for fresh water fish. It had some really unusual exhibits. For example the jelly fish. You were in a darkened area with the jelly fish tanks lit up to make them look even neater. The IMAX theater has stadium seating and had a really neat show. Sarah was out of her funk and had a great time.

On to Dollywood. I think that by the time we got there we were all vacationed out. I think we would have enjoyed ourselves more if it had been at the beginning of our trip. I had booked the best hotel room here and it had a kitchen, balcony and a lot of room. They had an indoor and outdoor pool, a small lazy river, two hot tubs and a kiddy pool. It was situated by a small brook were ducks hung out and small rabbits were frolicking. The free breakfast was the best. Needless to say we mostly wanted to spend our time here relaxing. Fortunately we had allowed for one day of doing nothing. We went to Dixie Stampede one night (a dinner show like Medieval Times).

Our final stop was Monticello in Virginia and then finally home.

CHAPTER 3

We were pretty low key the rest of the summer just going to the beach house and spending time there with Maureen (Tom's sister) and her family when she rented her own bungalow. The kids start school the last Monday of August and we needed to get sports physicals for them to run cross country. Erin started high school (9th grade) with some ambivalence but it has turned out that she is quite happy. She is still playing violin and is doing great. She had problems with her legs so spent much of the cross country season not running. Sarah started middle school (6th grade) with ME having some ambivalence but she is doing great. She's quite smart and if she could just stop worrying then she would realize this! She's still playing viola and is on the math team - quite an accomplishment for a 6th grader. Thomas is in 10th grade....he's just happy being with his geeky friends who like calculators and computer programming as much as him!

CONCLUSION

I finished up 2008 in the mad dash to buy all the Christmas presents and make the kids the traditional Christmas Eve pajamas. Erin has a giraffe pattern, her favorite animal. Sarah wanted cows and she got them and Thomas looks like he has animal tracks all over him... its a nice blue though.

I'm hoping for a great 2009! I wish you all peace, happiness and good health!

MIGRAINE NEWS

2008-12-01T04:46:00.000-08:00

On September 30th I went on an anti seizure medication to try and control my migraines. I did not have any migraines in the month of October. In November I had three. Every time I get another migraine I get a depressed sort of feeling. I had a lot of hope for this new medicine. The first two migraines came close together and I thought maybe it was a fluke. Then I got that third one.

Even with these migraines I feel that there are a lot of good things about this medicine. As soon as I went on it I started to feel different. My brain seemed to be working better. The only time my brain hasn't been working better was during the days following my three migraines. A lot of my other weird symptoms have gotten quite a bit better. Again, they seemed to only flare up during my migraine episodes.

I go back to see the neurologist in the middle of December. I want to be migraine free but at this point I am not sure if that is possible. I'm also a little scared that if I switch medications my brain will stop being okay. I can't explain to you how frustrating it was to lose that mental function. Its as if I went to from being a relatively smart person to a relatively stupid person. I have never been able to explain this fully to anyone. The only people who truly understand are my husband and my three kids. They witnessed it first hand. They understand what I mean when I say I was out of it. I tried to explain this to the neurologist when I saw him but I don't think he got it. I will try to explain it to him again because I think it is so important, since this medicine has made such a difference.

I think I've gotten pretty much all of my brain back - except for those migraine moments or when I am tired. Now that I've gotten it back I realize how much I was missing. I've recently started reading a Stephen King novel and realized that I hadn't been reading adult books anymore. Last year I started to read the same books that my 8th grade daughter was reading. Although I could follow the adult books, it was just too exhausting and it sucked all the fun out of it. Another thing that I've started doing again is learning to play the keyboard. Last year I had started to teach myself how to play. I have always wanted to learn to play piano and the keyboard is the next best thing. I don't know quite when I stopped but things like that had just fallen by the wayside. I just didn't have the mental ability or energy to do them anymore. I am still lacking in the energy department but have enough to do nonphysical things like playing the keyboard. The bit of physical energy that has returned is generally used up on housework. I'm okay with that, its nice to have my house somewhat organized.

If I look at things in terms of the last 10 months I see a big difference in my health. I think that I have been slowly getting better with occasional setbacks. I am leery of saying that I am truly getting better because it seems that the bad spells that I have come out of nowhere. I can't rule out the possibility that tomorrow I will suddenly have a terrible month that leaves me in bed for days at a time with my brain spinning with chaos. Sounds oh so dramatic but that is what happened to me in February/March. I try to stay positive but its been difficult. Its awful living this way, not knowing when these episodes will strike. Its awful wondering if this is what my life will always be like. Is this something that I will have to accept as the norm for me?

I usually try to end my posts with a sentence that wraps everything up into some sort of conclusion. It seems that this time I can't really do that. My migraine news seems sort of open ended so this is how I will leave it.

KNOW IT ALLS

2008-11-25T05:58:00.000-08:00

I've recently come to the conclusion that I may have a tendency to become friends with Know It Alls. I realized this after I was noting the similarities between a couple of my friends. I was thinking that they both love to tell me what to do. They both think they are more knowledgeable than they actually are. They both think they are more physically adept than they are. Then I started to see that many people in my life are this way. I was wondering if the world is populated with a bunch of Know It Alls or if they just seem to flock to me.

Mostly I just brush all of this advice and banter off but on some level I find it annoying. I try to tell myself that they are doing it because they care about me but another part of me feels that they think I'm some sort of loser who needs to be guided in the right direction. Its not that I think that I'm a loser but its annoying that they might think I'm a loser. It's quite possible that because I am a good listener who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings they feel comfortable letting loose on me.

I'm sure that this kind of talk makes them feel good. I dare say that just maybe they don't really feel good about themselves. They can reduce their insecurities by constantly letting others know just how smart, strong, wonderful they really are.

In reality, we all know that I'm much better than every one of them!

CRAZY NEIGHBOR

2008-11-13T06:32:00.000-08:00

I think I have a crazy neighbor.

I have an older Golden Retriever, Beau, that I used to walk off leash on the dirt road by my house. On the rare occasions that a car came by I would call him to me until the car passed by. As he's gotten older his hearing has deteriorated and he has trouble hearing me calling him. Mostly I don't walk him on the road anymore and instead I've made a path on my 5 acres of land and walk him there.

Yesterday I was walking him on the path with my daughter Sarah. As I walked him (on our own land) by a neighbor's house, their dog that was inside started barking (a Jack Russel terrier). Eventually the woman came out of her house, I assumed, to see what the dog was barking at. When she saw us she folded her arms acrossed her chest and began staring at us. She continued to do this. I could tell she was angry and I figured maybe she didn't know that I was on my own land. Although they moved in a couple of years ago, I do not know her and have never introduced myself her. I decided that we should have a little chat so I could explain myself. I looked at her and yelled "hello!" She continued to stare. I thought, well maybe she didn't hear me or doesn't know that I'm talking to her. I yelled again and waved. She said nothing and continued to give me the evil eye. I looked a moment longer, then looked at Sarah who thought the whole situation was as weird as I thought and finally we just walked off.

Weird, weird, weird....this is a crazy situation. I began getting opinions on what I should do. I don't want to be walking in my own backyard and have this lady staring at me. A friend told me that I gave her a chance and now I should act as if she doesn't exist. Tom told me that he would have walked right up to her and said "hi, my name is Tom." My daughter Erin told me that if she did it again, she'd stare her down. Sarah agreed with Erin. Thomas as usual was no help - ha ha. I think I am going to combine a couple ideas and if she does this again I will stare right back. If she says something to me I will pretend she doesn't exist. I will give her a taste of her own medicine. I don't want to be friends, I just want her to stop.

Another reason I don't want to befriend her is that a small part of me wonders just how psycho she is. If I had a neighbor that I knew and they got mad at me for any reason and then stared me down, I'd think that was relatively normal. Not nice, but normal. Since I do not know this lady at all, it's just plain weird. That's another weird thing. She lives on the road that I have been walking my dog on and I've met every other person on that road and waved and even chatted with them. I don't even really know what these people look like...after two years! I've even "met" their dog who one time got loose and came running after Beau.

In my more paranoid moments I wonder if she would ever do something to my cats. About a month ago all three of my cats were suddenly not very hungry. This is a big deal because they are all very piggy. I started thinking that someone in the neighborhood possibly was feeding them. Then one of them became quite ill and was throwing up and had really bad diarrhea. I started to wonder what they had found and what they were eating. I can remember briefly giving thought to the fact that maybe we have a cat hater in the neighborhood, feeding them god knows what. It was only a passing thought because in general I am not a paranoid person. I began to wonder about this lady when on that same day I saw one of my cats heading home coming from the direction of her house.

Well there's not much I can do about any of this and have no desire for an all out war with any neighbors. So, I will just see what develops and go with what feels right at the time.

LEARNING WHO TO TRUST

2008-11-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a friend that spends a lot of time complaining about other people in their life? I do, I have a friend that is constantly putting down her other friends as well as her close relatives. She claims that she really likes/loves these people but I am surprised at how negative she can be. I often wonder why she is even friends with these people if she thinks such bad things about them. I realize that everyone can sometimes complain about their friends - like I am right now. However, this goes beyond the usual whining.

The funny thing is, that it has finally dawned on me that since she considers me a close friend, chances are she is complaining about me to these other people! I had never really thought about it until recently when I talked to her adult daughter. The conversation didn't go well. For no apparent reason the daughter was very annoyed with me - to the point that she raised her voice at me. It was a short conversation and I had not given her any reason to be so upset. We rarely have a chance to speak to each other so I can't imagine it was something I had previously said. It was quite strange until I realized that her negativity probably stemmed from some private discussions her and her mother had about me. She probably came into the conversation with some preconceived perceptions. The only other reason I can think is that she is such a stressed out individual that she is constantly on the verge of yelling at everyone.

The question that I ask myself is why would I be so stupid to think that her mother isn't trashing me like she does all her other "friends? One might say that I shouldn't assume that she is doing this. But how can I think otherwise? How could I believe that I could be the only person in her life that she doesn't talk so negatively about?

It bothers me that she does this because I do consider her a close friend. I am not one to open up to people who are not supportive to me. It's a bummer because now I have to censor our friendship. Some people would be able to accept that is the way she is and not worry about it. I am not like that, I do not want to think that she is taking what I confide to her and twisting it around into something negative. I will not end our friendship but unfortunately, our friendship has now become more shallow.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

2008-11-07T07:06:00.001-08:00

SHE CAN FLY!!

LIFE IN THE POCONOS!

2008-11-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

SARAH CARVING HER PUMPKIN ON SUNDAY

SARAH BUILDING A SNOWMAN ON TUESDAY!

PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION....DON'T GET ME STARTED!

2008-10-28T04:23:00.000-07:00

I am a registered independent because I have the personality that says NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! However, I definitely lean towards the left. After all, I am left handed! I have not always been this way. When I first started out as an adult I was more conservative, I still am conservative in a lot of ways but definitely not in the political arena. I made the switch after I realized that the Republican definition of conservative was a lot different than my definition of conservative. I am very careful with my money. I stay away from debt, paying off my credit card every month. If I don't have the money I don't buy it. I tend to buy a basic car that is very reliable. I don't live my life in a wild reckless way. I am not a thrill seeker. I figured that people who thought like me would be good at running the country. I thought the Republicans were conservative. I was wrong. I started paying attention to actions instead of words. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I voted for Bush number two the first time around. One of the reasons I voted for him was that I felt that we did not need to send our soldiers to other countries as much. We have problems right here that our resources should be spent on. He promised that he would keep our troops home....then he decided to conquer another country. Weapons of mass destruction, blah, blah, blah! Don't you remember, that was the original reason for the war or has everyone now been convinced that the war is protecting us from another 9/11 attack? NOT! I was totally against the war from day one. I knew it was a war that would turn out to be a mess and one that we could not win, why didn't Bush know that? Because he is an idiot.

Besides the Iraq fiasco, whatever happened to our balanced budget? Those crazy Democrats that just like to spend and tax managed to balance the budget and the "conservative" republicans managed to get us into more debt than ever. The last time I heard of this much spending Reagan was in office. Bush would blame it on this stupid war, but I am sure that even without the war he would have spent, spent, spent. How can we expect the average person to be financially responsible when our leadership isn't? I blame this economic downturn on the poor example that the Republicans have given us. Unfortunately, we may need these hardships to show us our folly.

I am not naive, I realize that all politicians lie. Its just that I think the Republican lies are worse for our country than the Democrats. The Republicans lie thinking about how they can benefit themselves. The Democrats lie in a way that is exaggerating what they can give us. (I'm cynical, aren't I) Sometimes McCain sounds like he really does love his country and wants to do great things but I've believed Republicans in the past and was burned. Because of this, I feel that I will never be able to vote for a Republican again no matter how good they sound.

The worse part about this election are the falsehoods perpetuated by the Republicans. I find it very sad when my kids come home and tell me the untruths that the other kids believe (high schoolers). They believe that Obama is a Muslim even though he is a Christian. I can understand why at this time in our country people would not be accepting of a Muslim president but why does being a Christian make him better anyways? Don't we have a separation of church and state? Just to be clear, I do know that Obama is a Christian!! I had to write that just in case some idiot happens along this post and is not clear on that! They believe that Obama thinks that if a partial birth abortion is botched then the mother should be able to kill the baby! I am not joking, this is something one kid told my son! I live in a Republican area of a usually Democratic state. It makes me sad to think that chances are these kids are getting their ideas from their parents. I think that most of these people have gotten their information from attack ads. Its hard for me to believe that most of these people have watched any of the debates where Obama refuted all these charges. If you don't want to vote for Obama, fine, but please get your facts straight. I tell my husband, if it sounds crazy it probably is. Why would a terrorist Muslim even bother to run for president? Why would the Democrats have a Muslim terrorist for their candidate? THEY WOULDN'T, ITS ABSURD!!

SUPERSTITIONS

2008-10-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Generally, I'm not a superstitious person but I have one superstition that seems to have stuck in my brain. When I was a child I heard that if you kill a spider it will make it rain. Ever since then, I have been especially kind to arachnids. Being careful not to step on them. Scooping them up in paper towels to shuttle them outside if necessary. Sometimes even leaving spider webs in the corners so I wouldn't disturb them. All so I wouldn't be responsible for a rainstorm. Occasionally I have found it necessary to dispose of a spider in a not so humane way. If its extra big and I'm not close to a door I've been known to squish it rather than save it. On those days I tend to glance often at the sky awaiting the inevitable downpour.

I can't say for sure if killing a spider has any effect on the weather but I do know that today it sure seemed that way. This morning I opened the back door to let my cat out into the sunshine. A medium sized spider came rushing in as if the warmth of the house was where it wanted to spend its winter. I narrowed my two eyes and gave it a stare, it froze and looked up at me with it's eight eyes. I said to myself, "bah, I'm a silly superstitious fool!" I then quickly grabbed a paper towel and threw it down on the unsuspecting spider. No shuttling today, even with the door only a foot away. I crushed down on the helpless spider and only felt a slight resistance. I felt mean. I had an unsettled feeling that I had done something wrong, something really wrong. A couple hours later the clouds rolled in. Not long after that the raindrops came down. I hope it doesn't last into tomorrow when my son's cross country team has their final race.

I've learned my lesson and I'll probably go back to my peace loving ways. This admission should count for something. Will the spider loving gods let the sun come out?

WHAT ELSE WOULD A LEAF BLOWER BE FOR?

2008-10-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

We've never owned a leaf blower before. Thomas loves it. Not only did he blow the leaves into a big pile but he had some fun using it to shoot a foam ball up in the air. He got some left over pvc drain pipe, lined it up with the end of the leaf blower, inserted the ball and away it flew. He was shooting it straight up into the air and I decided I was going to try to catch it when it came back down. My dog Beau decided he needed to run right in front of me just when I was looking up and running to get the ball. Down I went and if Beau wasn't such a big dog he would have went splat! I knocked him over and landed quite hard on his chest. Hard enough to make him bark/squawk! He got up and before we knew it he was following me around and getting in my way once again! Eventually, I did catch that ball! Oh yeah, I wasn't hurt in the fall either!

Note Thomas's ear protection. He will grow up with perfect hearing because he uses those ear muffs for everything!

ARE WE HEADED FOR A DEPRESSION?

2008-10-12T05:10:00.001-07:00

I know most people do not give a hoot about the stock market but with the market dropping so drastically it makes me sit back and wonder. How much further will it drop? Are we headed for another depression? I see the news that tells me that people are losing their jobs, people are losing their houses and bankruptcies abound. How will all this affect me? If more and more people lose their jobs, will my husband lose his usually secure government job?

My husband and I have always lived in a financially conservative way. Our decisions were always based on many "what ifs". What if one or both of us lost our jobs? What if the economy goes bad? What if one of us got sick?

Before we had kids, we bought our house using only my husband's salary making sure the payment was only based on what he earned. We bought a simple house with 5 acres. Then I worked for the next six years and we pretty much put my salary towards paying extra on our house. When we were done paying for it, we didn't start living high on the hog. We knew that when we had kids I wanted to stay home so we didn't want to depend on my income.

When it came to deciding where to put our 401K money we decided to put it in the most conservative funds, government securities. We figured this was our retirement and we didn't want to risk it in the stock market even though that would mean that we would get less interest.

We've learned to keep our decisions mostly to ourselves because over the years plenty of people have tried to tell us what to do. Much of this advice was started with the words "you must". We were told that paying off your house early was a bad idea because then you wouldn't have any mortgage interest to itemize on your taxes. We were told that we should spread out our 401K money in a bunch of different funds. We were told that we could afford to spend much more on our house. Many times we were called cheap....well, because we are cheap! AND proud of it!

Right now as I wonder whether we are going to have another depression, I feel pretty good about my decisions. My youngest daughter asked "are you worried mom?" I could honestly say "no"." The only thing I have to do is pay the taxes on my house and I will have a place to stay. I've never succumb to the temptation to be materialistic. I am a person who can use the same old things until they are truly worn out. No, I am not really worried. However, I do wonder what will happen with other people.

Recently my husband was talking to a colleague at work about retirement. My husband told this man his plan and told him of his philosophy of being careful to only invest in government securities and not the stock market. My husband was not trying to convince this man to change his ways but apparently his ideas must have sounded pretty good. Without telling my husband the man went and changed his 401K to have it invested in government securities. Right after he did this, the stock market began to drop. He came to my husband and said "you've already saved me $10,000!" This man is getting closer to retirement and it makes me feel good that he won't have his savings demolished.

I think that maybe our country is due for a readjustment. We've become spoiled. It would be painful but maybe people need to learn to go without. I just hope that means that people would go without a computer and cable TV. I would not want to see people go without food. I would not want to see people be homeless. It would make me very sad to see people hurting in this way. Even though we've all gotten soft, I think that the people of this country are strong enough to weather this storm.

ART AND MUSIC

2008-10-08T06:43:00.000-07:00

The following is a letter that I wrote and plan to send to the editor of the local newspaper. I took out names because this is the big, bad, scarey internet. Anyhoo, I have been meaning to write a letter such as this for many years. I have a fear that our school district will start cutting programs that they consider "optional". We really do have amazing teachers who put in amazing amounts of efforts. They are almost too good to be true! In our house, learning a musical instrument is required. That may sound mean but I truly believe that music, as well as art, are subjects that are just as necessary as math, science and english. Some day all my kids will thank me for making them learn to play an instrument. Sarah plays the viola in the school orchestra, Erin plays violin in the orchestra and Thomas self taught himself to play the organ and keyboard at home. The art and music programs in school are so valuable because not all parents are as mean as me and school may be the only place that they experience these things.

To the Editor,

I would like to show my support for art and music in our schools because it is my belief that having good programs in school is mandatory, not just a luxury. My children's experience in the DD schools has been nothing but superb. It starts with Mr. B and Ms. E in the primary school. Mr. B is not just teaching these kids to sing nursery rhymes. If you ever attend one of his concerts you’ll be surprised at how great the kids sound. It’s not unusual for the kids to hear names like Chopin or Bach. Ms. E teaches about great artists like Van Gogh or Monet. These kids are not just fooling around with arts and crafts they are really producing art. She treats their work with respect and admiration.

In the elementary school Mrs. A taps their creative side and is constantly having an "art gallery showing" of beautiful pieces just outside the door of the art room. I’ve always loved to go into the building just to see what’s new. Art club is held after school for the artists in the school. Also in the elementary school Mr. K is not just getting the kids to sing, he’s teaching them about rhythm, melody and so much more. He’s teaching them to have the confidence to sing solo in front of the whole class. He has the opportunity of chorus and choir open to kids who want to sing more. I’ve heard both of these groups sing and I’m always amazed!

My girls started in the orchestra in third grade with Mrs. S. If you’ve ever listened to a third grade orchestra student you’d be impressed with the patience she must have. They start out plucking "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" in third grade and by the time they are through middle school they’ve learned to tune their own instrument by ear and mastered the talent of vibrato. So far this year I am impressed with Mr. S, conductor of the high school orchestra. The music he chooses is quite difficult, challenging the students and keeping them interested. I can’t wait for the first concert.

Also in the middle school, Mrs. S and Mrs. Y have some students that show so much talent that the school is decorated with framed pieces done by students over the years. Mrs. Y has an after school art club and Mrs. Sakoutis spends her after school time helping the students build the sets for the two plays that are performed.

These are the teachers that my children have had the privilege of having.I would like to personally thank them all.

All these teachers have many responsiblities that I haven’t even mentioned. I’m sure that there are many other art and music teachers in the DV school district that are just as outstanding. I would like to thank the school board for adopting a budget that allows for such great programs. I would encourage them to continue to make art and music a priority in our schools. To the taxpayers that do not have children in the school, I want to assure you that you are getting your money’s worth. I’ve seen first hand how much extra time and effort is required to deliver excellence!

PEOPLE TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU LET THEM

2008-10-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

I have a vacation home at the New Jersey shore. It is in a community that is run by a community association. Its actually called a club. The club is run by a group of five trustees that we homeowners elect.

I've been having trouble with the road maintenance on the road in front of our house. To make a long story short, its a dirt road and in order to fix the huge pothole in front of my house they've continuously added dirt to fill it in. This along with natural erosion from up the street, has increased the level of the road in front of my house to the point that now my house is below the level of the road. As you can imagine, when it rains, the water rushes down the street looking for the lowest spot. My property along with other properties on the street are now the lowest point. Many of us are getting flooding into our homes. We've complained to the Board of Trustees only to be met with denial. We've been told that they've never added dirt to the street (should have taken a video). We've also been told really ridiculous things such as our houses are actually sinking.

Recently there was a club meeting at which we voted to elect a new board. Since so many people are having various problems with the current board, all but one of them were voted out. A portion of the meeting was open to comments from the community members. I stood in front of the two hundred plus people and made a statement regarding the road issues. I made it clear that I was speaking to the new board members since the old ones would never listen. After I made my statement a man came up to me and asked if I would step aside so he could speak to me. He seemed polite enough so I agreed. He then proceeded to try and convince me that my house was sinking. My first tactic was to tell him I knew that was not true. He continued. I then told him that I was an engineer and that I KNEW my house was not sinking. I told him that my husband is also an engineer and we BOTH KNOW our house is not sinking. Amazingly, he continued. My next tactic was to stop responding. I was thinking, when will this man give up? He continued, blah, blah, blah...

My old self would have just let him go on and on. My old self would have felt it was rude to cut him off. My old self would have gotten more and more irritated and would have felt bad later that I hadn't stopped him. My old self has given way to my new self. My new self then said to him "I can't talk to you anymore, its too annoying." He was pulled up short and finally he stopped. I had suddenly realized that I did not have to listen to him. I could tell him to go away. I was not rude, he was. He left and I patted myself on the back. I really like this new self!

INTERESTING

2008-10-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

I find it so funny that after reviewing my last few posts it seems to be a roller coaster of ups and downs. I would write a post saying I was not feeling well then I would write a post that I was feeling better! Peppered in between was problems my kids were having! I hope my latest post saying that I have renewed hope and think I am feeling better is not just one of my ups only to be followed by a down!!! Wish me luck!!

An interesting point: in the past I've found people who go on and on about their medical problems a bit annoying. I'VE TURNED INTO THAT PERSON!!! EEEEK!!

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED

2008-10-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since the last time I have posted. The people who read my blog before were a very small group and I'm sure now those few have even stopped coming - including my husband. He was my number one fan but I doubt that he stops by anymore. He knows I have been feeling so lousy that I don't have the energy to post.

Well, so much has happened since I posted in April. I went to a new endocrinologist at the beginning of June. He discovered that I had low iron and put me on Slow Fe. It has taken a long time, however, slowly but surely it has seemed to help at least with some of my symptoms. I no longer huff and puff from just normal everyday activity. I would still say that I have some symptoms of low iron although I am sure that my lab numbers will show that I am well within range. I've decided that for me, I am going to not go by my lab numbers but just by how I am feeling. I am not worried about having too much iron because I am no where near the upper end of normal.

At the end of August I came down with Shingles! Talk about kicking someone when they are down! The worst of it was over in 4 weeks but I still have some slight itching and some numbness on my back where the rash was. For me the pain was not agonizing but really maddening. I had the pain first and then it was replaced by itching. For about a week or so I had both pain and itching and could not even slightly scratch it because it hurt so much even to rub my fingers over it. The doctor that diagnosed it recommended that I get a complete physical because shingles is usually seen in the elderly or people with compromised immune systems. I felt she was insinuating that I could have cancer when she recommended a mammogram. I figured it would be a good idea to get a physical and went to see an internist (not the same doctor). He listened to my long drawn out story of fatigue, migraines, under active thyroid, shingles, etc and seemed to be undecided whether I was crazy or I actually had something wrong with me. In the end he ran a bunch of tests just to be sure. I am still waiting for those results. If everything comes back negative he can jump onto the bandwagon that says I'm crazy.

During all of this I was still getting many migraines so I decided to keep my appointment that I had at the Jefferson Headache Center in Philadelphia. My visit there on September 30th went well. I had to take a personality test (370 questions) as well as speak to a psychologist to actually see if I am crazy! In reality, they are just seeing how stress may play a role in your headaches. They made sure I realized that they weren't saying that stress is causing my headaches but they were trying to see if the headaches may be exacerbated by stress. In the end the psychologist was actually impressed that I was so emotionally sound considering my not so lovely childhood. She gave me a card in case I want to try acupuncture and a book mark that says "Falun Dafa" on it. Its an ancient spiritual practice. I guess just using this book mark is supposed to relieve any stress I may experience. Hmmm.

My time with the nurse and neurologist was much more fruitful. I came away with a couple of new medications to take. He gave me something to replace the Imitrex I take when I actually get a migraine. Its Imitrex plus Aleve. More importantly, he gave me a prescription for an anti seizure medication that will hopefully prevent my migraines. Its called Lamictal and works to balance the neurotransmitters in the brain. Migraines have to do with the neurotransmitters firing out of control in the brain so it makes sense to try this medicine. He says that this particular medicine seems to be especially effective in migraines with aura. Since I always get the aura and sometimes I only get the aura without the headache, it should work well. Hopefully. If not there is always the book mark!

I try this medication for two and a half months and go back to see him. If it seems to be working, I will then stay on it for eight months. If it controls the headaches for that long I will then be weaned off from it. I can not take a full dose right away but will take a month to build up to the full dose. He said something about how this will help to avoid some sort of lethal rash you can get as a dangerous side effect...hee hee. Seriously, the rash thing is real but I really doubt I will have that problem. After all, I'm an optimist! So far I have been on the lowest dose for one week. My initial reaction is that it may already be helping a little bit. One week is too early to tell how much it may help me but I am hopeful for the first time in months.

I realize that this blog may not really explain all I've been through in the past two years regarding my health. I'm sure it doesn't portray how much I have lost of myself. I have become the sick person and I don't like that. I wish I was my old self but at this point I still feel far away from the old Elise. I know that in the past few months I have learned to ignore many of my problems and continue living my life. Because of this I'm not sure if the medicines are helping or if its just a case of mind over matter.

One of my hopes is that I can start to post a bit more here without always talking about my poor health. The best way to do that would be to start feeling more healthy! Well, if that is not possible then I would still like to find something more positive to write about. Regardless of audience size, I like to write about my everyday happenings.

FEELING BETTER.....I HOPE

2008-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

My first migraine of this last bunch of migraines was on February 21, 2008. It was followed by five more migraines early in march for a total of six migraines, ending with the last two on March 12, 2008. During the entire time of getting and recovering from the migraines I have a major brain fog. The migraines were followed by over a week of dizzy spells. This was followed by a period of just feeling out of it. I really didn't start to feel significantly better until late last week. I still have moments where I feel odd as if I may get another migraine at any moment. So five weeks of my life gone. Right now I am able to pretty much function but I am pampering myself a bit in order to make sure the migraines don't return.

I have been reading a lot about migraines and have confirmed the connection that I suspected between my under active thyroid and the migraines. It gives me hope that once I FINALLY have my thyroid under control I will not get all these crazy migraines!

A side note, Sarah's numb feet (while running in gym) are a bit better but it's still happening.

UPDATE MAY 29,2008:

I ended up having 10 migraines in April. Eight of those were in one six day period. That was the week that I decided to stop taking my cabergoline. My last two migraines were on April 30, 2008. I am still feeling pretty crummy but have a renewed hope. I have an appointment with a new endocrinologist on June 3, 2008. My hope is he can stabilize my thyroid and I will get rid of these migraines. I have an appointment with Jefferson Headache Center in Philadelphia for September 30, 2008 just in case. I'm hoping by then I can cancel it because I am feeling better.
In the meantime I am tired, have hardly any stamina, my eyes keep twitching and I'm still seeing sort of funny. I hope no more migraines.

SARAH'S NUMB FEET

2008-03-03T10:42:00.001-08:00

In the future, this will be a post about how Sarah's feet went numb anytime she ran. Hopefully, by the time I get around to actually writing it, I will have the good news that the problem was resolved. I think we may almost be there.

Another reason why I haven't posted....this blog could easily turn into one depressing post after another!

WHY I HARDLY EVER POST ANYMORE

2008-03-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting much because I really haven't been feeling well. Its been almost two years now that I've been dealing with out of whack hormones. It seems like every three or four months I have some new difficulty. It started in the spring of 2006 when I began having migraine headaches and my period started coming every three weeks. I've had a pituitary tumor removed in the past. Since the pituitary is the master gland located in your head and attached to your brain, it can cause some hormonal problems. Among other things, these hormone troubles can mess up your period. I was worried in 2006 that it had come back (50% of pituitary tumors grow back after surgery).

I went to an endocrinologist to find out if it had grown back. She ran some blood tests and had an MRI done. While I was there she looked at my neck and felt it. She found a thyroid nodule that needed to be checked out with an ultrasound and then a fine needle biopsy. She also had some blood work done for possible thyroid disease.

My follow-up visit was filled with bad news. I had a mass on my pituitary and I had an under active thyroid caused by Hashimoto's disease. Hashimoto's disease is an autoimmune disease where my own body is destroying my thyroid. I've been trying to control my thyroid hormone levels ever since. Its bounced between under active and overactive. Mostly just under active and slowly getting worse. Each time my blood work shows numbers that are out of the normal range I feel crummy. It takes several weeks for me to feel better from a new dose of medicine. I recently started taking a higher dose 5 days ago. One of the signals that something is not right is that I get migraines. I also have major brain fog. I also feel exhausted and often times fall asleep during the day. There are other symptoms that I get but those are the worse to deal with.

The mass on my pituitary was not definitively found to be a tumor. However, one of the signs that it is a tumor is that the level of your hormone prolactin is elevated. Mine has been going up and down for the past two years. We figured out that when it goes up it causes me some of the same symptoms as the thyroid does. Mainly, migraine headaches and brain fog. In November we decided to start treating it and with medication we've lowered it into the normal range. In the first six months after finding the pituitary mass, it did not grow. I will be having another MRI in March to see what it looks like now. I've taken to calling it "the tumor" instead of "the mass". I really hope it hasn't grown. It's 1.1 cm, anything over a cm is considered a macro tumor as opposed to a micro tumor.

Since it takes me weeks to recover from either my thyroid hormone being off or my prolactin level being off, I spend much of my time not feeling really well. I know that it could be worse but another symptom is feeling down in the dumps. I think a lot of it is hormonal but there's also the fact that I'm just plain sick of all of this. Whenever I get another migraine, I just think "not again."

Note: I've read this over but I don't have the mental fortitude to try to make sure it makes complete sense.

UPDATE MAY 29, 2008: I spoke to my neurosurgeon and he is almost 100% sure that the mass on my pituitary is not a tumor. Possibly just scar tissue. He had said this before but I was worried because of my elevated prolactin. He said that my prolactin level is not really high enough to be indicative of a tumor. He said it would be at least 75 - mine's always less than 50 but more than 30 - it bounces all over the place. I really trust him and believe that he is right. So now I call it "the blob" on my pituitary. Actually its really adjacent to the pituitary. After feeling really sick and having side effects that I am pretty sure were because of the cabergoline, I decided to stop taking it. A lot of those side effects have gone away although I am still feeling badly.

I am seeing a new endocrinologist soon because I am sick of feeling lousy. I'm hoping a new doctor with more experience will be able to help me. He is around 2 1/2 hours away in Philadelphia but I've read a lot of great recommendations on him. I'm hoping it will be worth the trip and I will feel better. I'm hoping a switch in thyroid medication will help me. I am filled with hope...I feel like I've lost these past two years of my life.

SARAH'S EAR TUBE MAKES HER HEARING EXTRA SENSITIVE

2008-03-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, Sarah had her tube put in on January 7, 2008. She was mostly worried about not eating and not sleeping well and having it cause her a migraine headache. This did not happen. We arrived at the hospital at the scheduled time and then had to wait in the waiting area for a half hour. We got called back to the surgery area and asked a few questions. She had to put on her hospital Johnny and then was put into a bed to wait some more. It wasn't long before the Anesthesiologist came by and told us he was going to insert the IV before he put her to sleep. When Erin had had tubes put in (twice) they had put her to sleep with gas and then inserted the IV. I had told Sarah that this was what would happen so we were both quite surprised. He felt her arm and told us that she had a good vein. OOPS he missed it. Things went down hill from there. Sarah's eyes were bugged out of her head as he tried to do it again into her hand. I was holding the other hand and felt it go from warm to cold and knew that they wouldn't have much luck. Her veins had collapsed in her panic. She didn't cry but she did feel feint. Then she felt sick to her stomach. Finally, they decided to put her to sleep with gas and then put it in. Both hands were really bruised up and stayed that way for weeks. They must have hit some nerves because she had some weird numbness in her pinkies for a least a month following.

The news from the actual surgery was better. No tumor blocking the Eustachian tube. No fluid in the other ear. Just the one tube and it went in fine.

Things were quite sore afterwards. She had quite a bit of hearing loss beforehand so things seemed quite loud to her after the tube was put in. I knew that when a tube is put in your ear there can be hypersensitivity in your hearing so it was no surprised. I knew that she would have trouble at school, especially in the lunch room. I wanted to make arrangements for her to eat some place else until her hearing was less sensitive. When the nurse from the hospital called I asked her if she knew how long things would seem extra loud for Sarah. She didn't know and recommended that I send Sarah to school with cotton to stuff in her ear. I then called the doctors office and spoke to the nurse there. She not only didn't know, she was amazed that this was happening. I also checked out the internet and was surprised I couldn't find out a lot of information about it. This is surprising because I know it must happen quite frequently. My husband had tubes when he was a kid and he can remember that his hearing was so sensitive that it actually hurt his ears. I finally gave up and figured we would just deal with however long it took. I want to write what happened in regards to this so that if someone else out there ends up at this website they will know how long to expect things to seem loud. During the first day Sarah's hearing was so sensitive that it did indeed hurt. I had to whisper everything. The sensitivity seemed to ebb and flow a bit, probably due to the fact that there may have been some fluid or blood building up and draining. In turn that would block and unblock the hearing. At least that is my guess. The next day she didn't complain about pain from noise although things were still sore in general. We still were talking quietly to her but not keeping things super quiet. She stayed home from school the second day but went back on the third. I arranged for her to eat in a room next to the nurses room (yes, germ heaven). The fourth day she decided on her own to eat in the lunch room Things still seemed a bit loud to her but she knew that she could plug her ear if it got to be too much. I would say that in about a week her hearing seemed normal to her.

SARAH'S EAR

2008-01-06T04:23:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow Sarah goes to have surgery to have a tube put in her ear. It all started at the end of September when she told me that she was having trouble hearing out of one ear. Like a good mother I ignored her the first time she told me. The second time (a couple weeks later) she told me again and I had her plug her good ear and tell me if she could hear the TV with the bad ear. She couldn't. I'm no Sherlock Holmes so it took me a day to figure out that it could be an ear infection. Last fall she had gotten an ear infection and did not have any pain until the infection was so bad the eardrum was about to burst. I know that it was about to burst because she described the pain as "throbbing" and said it felt like something in her ear was "growing." Now you would think I would be very tuned in to any sort of thing happening with her ears. So although she didn't have any pain, I decided a trip to the pediatrician was in order. Of course she did indeed have an ear infection. Quite bad actually. The course of treatment followed a similar path to last year. It took two or three rounds of progressively stronger antibiotics to cure the infection. Afterwards she had to be on six weeks of maintenance antibiotics because of residual fluid left over in the ear. Last year after the six weeks the fluid was gone but this year the fluid was still there.

Fortunately, we have an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist that we are familiar with (Tom has on going sinus problems and Erin had tubes in her ears when she was younger). I made an appointment and I wasn't surprised when he tested her hearing and she was having trouble hearing with that ear. We already knew this but hey, why not pay for an expensive test to tell us the same thing! Just joking, I'm sure its important to know just how much hearing lose there is just to compare with how much is restored after the tubes. He recommend a tube and said he would check the other ear for fluid during surgery and if some was in there he may put two tubes in. He said that it is common at this age for the adenoids to swell and sometimes block the end of the Eustachian tube so fluid can't drain. The adenoids usually go back down in a year or two. He also said in very rare cases the tube may be blocked by a tumor. He will check during surgery.

Considering Sarah is my little worry wart, she is doing outstanding. She really doesn't seem stressed much at all. I'm sure she will be a little worried tomorrow but so far so good. I am not really worried because we have been through this twice before with Erin. It gets to a point where you just want to get the tube put in so the problem can go away. I am constantly worried that the ear infection will flair up again. It just makes matters worse knowing she doesn't get the pain until its almost too late. She is off the antibiotics now for a couple of weeks so it could come back at any time. It will also be nice that she won't need those antibiotics since they really mess up her digestive system.

LUCKY ERIN

2008-01-06T03:52:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of years Erin has complained about pains in her hips and knees. In 7th grade when she started to run cross country, she had to stop for a couple of weeks when her hip became sore. The spring of 7th grade she came home one day and told me that her knee had gotten locked in a bent position when she had tried to straighten it after sitting on her knees during class. It was so painful that she almost passed out. She ended up crying in school, something that she never does. She was finally able to get it unlocked by bending it even more and she felt her knee "slide" back into place. Then this year in 8th grade she had a similar problem where her knee would hurt when she tried to straighten it (one time after sitting with her legs bent up under her). In between these incidents she would often tell me about minor aches and pains. I decided that although I didn't think she had a serious problem, we should take her to an orthopedic doctor.

The visit was definitely worth the $15 copay. He told us that it is very common for adolescent girls to have knees that tend to slide back and forth. He showed us by putting marks on her knee and then moving it from straight to bent. Sure enough her knee slid about a half inch to the outside. Very creepy. He also told us that as her hips widen she would get pain there too. He said some girls suffer much more than she has and it can get very painful. He told us that when she sits on her legs with her knees bent that causes inflammation under the knee cap. Then when she tries to straighten them they move and because of all this inflammation it really hurts. The good thing is that her knees and hips should feel better after adolescence.

He then told her to stand and pointed out that her arch was okay until she stood and then it would collapse. He said that her feet tended to roll in because of the collapsing arch and that puts more stress on the moving knees and growing hips. He recommended that we buy "stability" running sneakers. He gave us a website to go to in order to know which sneakers to buy. When I came home, I checked the sneakers that she had used this year for running and found out that they were stability sneakers. I figured that was why she didn't have a problem while running this year. At the time I had thought it was odd that she didn't complain during the time she was running, all the problems happened at other times of the year. I think we both feel happy that all her problems are just normal things that will eventually get resolved.

FEELING BETTER

2008-01-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling better for awhile now but haven't posted because I have been busy with the holidays. The new medication I was on made me get more migraines for the first week but now I have been migraine free since. It took awhile but most of my energy has come back also. I once again have a zest for life. I don't know if I'd call myself a dynamo, but at least I have enough energy to accomplish some things.

Thanksgiving was spent at home. I cooked a turkey with all the usual fixings. Christmas was also spent at home. I kept feeling thankful that I was doing so much better and realizing that I couldn't have survived all the shopping and preparing if I didn't feel so good. It really made me appreciate my health. I happily spent the last few days before Christmas sewing pajamas for the three kids to wear on Christmas Eve. I really love sewing. I was disappointed however, that my sewing kept getting interrupted by phone calls bringing bad news! I guess I was being selfish when I got to the point of wishing people would stop calling. I felt that now that I was finally feeling better, I didn't like hearing all this depressing stuff! I just wanted to enjoy the holidays. I did try to be a good person and give these people time to vent. Things seem to be calmed down now so I think I will get some peace.

NOT FEELING WELL AND WHINING ABOUT IT

2007-11-11T04:37:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is lately with Oprah but she is apparently on some sort of health kick. I'm sick of Dr. Oz. I don't watch Oprah all the time but it seems that every time I do its Dr. Oz! I guess maybe I'm just experiencing some sour grapes. I have not been healthy lately and no matter what I eat I'm not going to get better. No, even if I drink some green drink made out of celery, cucumbers and spinach I am not going to suddenly feel great. I guess I resent someone telling me that I can "change my genes" if I just do what they recommend. I swear, I heard them say that you can change your genes by following his program.

From what I heard, Oprah shares a problem with me. She has a thyroid problem and went on vacation for a month to help her feel better. Hopefully she is also taking medication for it like I am. The medication keeps me alive! I guess it also makes me feel better but lately I have been having a new problem and don't feel well so I can't really tell.

My problem du jour involves a lot of migraines. Three weeks ago I got the first of seven migraines. Writing it here makes it seem so much better than it actually was. Seven migraines in three weeks, piece of cake. If a person who suffers from migraines reads this, they won't think its a piece of cake. I'm not talking about a person who thinks they suffer from migraines when they really don't. A migraine makes it impossible for me to function. I now have Imitrex to treat the migraines. The Imitrex makes the worse pain go away as long as I don't have to do anything and can spend the day resting. But life goes on and its difficult to just rest for 7 days out of three weeks! Migraines are also exhausting and leave me feeling tired for a day or two so I've pretty much spent the past three weeks barely surviving.

So now I'm trying to figure out why I've been getting migraines. I went back to my Endocrinologist and had more blood work done. I found out that my prolactin (hormone) level is up...again. This could be a possible cause of the headaches. We are treating it with a medication that lists one of the side effects as headaches! Sigh. I also read that you shouldn't take migraine medications at the same time as this new medicine so now I have been battling the migraines without meds. Another sigh.

Did I mention this is all making me grumpy?!?!

I am leaving this alone for now and may post again with a more detailed account of what's going on, you know just for posterity!

GEOCACHING

2007-10-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Last week I went geocaching for the first time. Basically, geocaching is finding "treasures" hidden by other people by using the coordinates (latitude and longitude) that you can find on a site called geocaching.com. Thomas's 9th grade math teacher (Mr. Math) started doing it about two years ago and now he brings some of his students along with him. He is in the process of turning it into an official school club.

Last Sunday I tagged along on Thomas's first geocaching trip with Mr. Math. I also brought Erin along although I figured Sarah was a little too young to hike the required 6 miles. We met up with Mr. Math at around 9:30 am. He seemed to be bursting out of his skin with excitement. He warned us what to do if we saw a bear (don't run) or even a poisonous snake (stay back). He also said that one of the shorter hikes would bring us through a tunnel and it could get a little tricky. Off we went following behind Mr. Math who was driving a big van that held most of the 10 or so kids that were going.

We ended up in Manunka Chunk, NJ. After checking Mr. Math's GPS unit and talking to some locals we found our way to the start of the hike. This happened to include some very creepy abandoned railroad tunnels that had been carved out of the stone hill. Fortunately, Mr. Math had told us to bring flashlights. We headed down the tunnel that was to the right because Mr. Math warned that the one to the left had some quicksand in it. We occasionally had some water drip on our head as we made it past the big boulders that had fallen from the ceilings. Fortunately, it was only water dropping on our heads and not any rocks! We weaved our way in and out of the puddles until the entire floor was covered in water. No place to go but through it. Finally, we made it through to the other side. Now to look for the geocache! It didn't take us very long to find the green ammo can that was partially covered with a rock. We opened it and saw all the little treasures including a rubber snake. We didn't take anything because the "rules" are that you have to leave something if you take something. We all signed the logbook and turned around to head back. Now, remember, we were with a bunch of 9th graders...."Mr. Math, lets go down the other tunnel!" Now, I think Mr. Math may still be a kid himself because after one feeble "no", he said "what the heck, we can turn around if it gets too bad". So we all headed down the tunnel. The mud quickly became deeper and deeper. When it got up over our shoes, Thomas said "I'm going back". Erin, my more adventurous child decided to keep going. I of course had to accompany Thomas in the other tunnel. Now, my trek down the other tunnel ended up being more creepy than the first time because with only me and Thomas it was much quieter and much darker. As we plugged through the big puddle I heard some splashing and couldn't help but think about those horror movies where something reaches up and pulls you under the water...the others told me that they saw fish and frogs. I couldn't believe there were FISH! They told me that the fish didn't have any eyes - I guess it was too dark to see in there anyways. We got to the end of our tunnel just a bit before the others came out of theirs...they were covered in mud up to their knees! I was just thankful that Erin hadn't lost a sneaker! Everyone was laughing, including Mr. Math. After taking photos of the memory we headed back to the van and our next geocaching stop.

We headed to one of the parking areas at the Delaware Water Gap. We ate our lunch so we would have enough energy for the three mile hike out and three miles back. Consulting his handy dandy GPS Mr. Math led the way. As we came close to the first cache we encountered a bunch of "Muggles". At that time I didn't know what a Muggle was so I stupidly talked to them! I did notice however that Mr. Math was not being his usual friendly self. He quickly pulled us away and in a hushed voice told us that Muggles were people who didn't do geocaching. Now our search would have to be conducted with stealth because if they noticed what we were doing, they might vandalize the cache. Geesh, and to think I had actually spoken to them! We found the cache and decided to head out looking for the next one.

One of the things that Mr. Math told us that he had learned was that it was always best to stay on the trail. If you decided to follow the GPS and go the direct route to a cache you would have to bushwhack and possibly would encounter some impassable terrain. Well, apparently, he didn't learn that lesson very well because off he goes through the bushes. He's quite a fast hiker and as the rest of us struggled to keep up I thought "does he know what he's doing". We encountered more Muggles and he started looking at their map. A topographical map. One that showed that in order to continue in this way we'd have to scale a cliff in order to reach the cache. We weren't exactly lost because we had the GPS, but we weren't exactly going in the right direction either! We decided to go back and drive to a different parking lot where we could attack this from a different direction.

On the way back the kids were excited to see a waterfall. Afterall, it was October and what better month for a swim! They quickly slid down the embankment and waded in. It was not long before we heard a big splash and one of them had "fallen" in. After taking some pictures of what I thought looked a bit like a wet t-shirt contest Mr. Math told them to get their sneakers back on. I saw that we didn't need to climb back up the steep embankment because we could easily pick up the trail by taking a shortcut by the streams edge. Thomas, Erin and I headed off and waited for them on a small wooden bridge. Apparently, Mr. Math didn't check his GPS because he headed back up the steep embankment. They all struggled up after him and then came back down the trail to meet us. I later told Thomas that if he ever goes on another field trip with Mr. Math, he should use his own common sense and keep track of where he is and how to get back! Thomas laughed.

We ended up finding the cache using the other way and continued on to find another cache that was actually hidden at an area visitor's center. We stopped to eat at Wendy's on the way home and everyone happily chatted about what an exciting day it had been. Definitely a fun hobby that we've already continued. Thomas went on another field trip with Mr. Math and we've also found some easier caches on our own. We don't have a GPS unit of our own so we can only search for ones that have more obvious locations. We've brought Sarah with us on our other hunts and she likes it too. I doubt we will ever be as addicted as Mr. Math. He's found over 2000 caches in less than two years! However, I can see this as a fun family thing we will be doing more!

ENJOYING LIFE

2007-10-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going to talk about the old cliche that mothers lose themselves in motherhood. We tend to be in danger of becoming just someones mother and no longer being ourselves. I'm beginning to realize a side effect of this can be losing our zest for life. I don't really mean being depressed, although that can happen to some people. I mean losing our ability to really enjoy all the little things in life.

The other day I was driving to Thomas and Erin's cross country meet. The meet was almost two hours away and I had already driven there the day before only to be told it was being cancelled due to the thunderstorm that wouldn't let up. So here I was driving that very same long trip again. I had to leave my youngest daughter at home again and she wasn't very happy about me not being with her so I was dealing with that guilt trip. I was also dealing with hunger because I am trying to cut back in order to lose a few pounds I put on because of my under active thyroid. Besides all this I kept thinking about some drama that's been happening on the cross country team because of some nastiness among the girls. I just wish they could all be nice and get along.

As I drove along, probably with a frown on my face, the headache began to creep up my neck threatening to take over my entire head. This is when I started to think about how I don't really enjoy things that I should be enjoying. I like to go to watch my kids run but somehow it becomes an ordeal to just survive. I made myself look at the scenery and hoped the cup of tea I grabbed before I left would help alleviate the headache.

I'd like to end this with a happy ending. I'd like to be able to say that a light bulb went on and I saw how I was wasting my time spinning around in an unhappy vortex. That I've decided to just take the advice of the song "don't worry, be happy". But its not that easy. This motherhood thing is tough.

As I try to type this my daughter Erin is unhappy because she is out of clean cammies and needs one to be able to go to a sleepover tonight.

Those kinds of things are not going away. I still need to keep plugging along making sure all those things that make our lives work get done. I still need to work through the guilt trips.

Now my other daughter Sarah is nagging me for a starburst and we are negotiating the size of the piece of fudge she will have later. Then she wanted to discuss the latest Scholastic Book order. When I snapped, "not now, I'm doing something", she cowered like I'm the meanest mother on earth.

Where was I...

Oh yeah, I'm going to try to enjoy life more. After I make sure everything else is going smoothly. Oh yeah, that's the problem.

Erin is now asking for a clean pillow case.

So what's the answer? When I figure it out I will let you know. In the meantime, just realize that if you sometimes wonder why you don't enjoy things as much as you used to, you are not alone. Its hard for me to enjoy things like I did. A nice vacation? Sounds like a lot of packing for me to do. Going out to eat? Sounds like I'll gain a few more pounds. Spend a night dancing with the girls? The loud music would only make my headache worse, besides I'd have to stay awake past my bedtime. Some alone time without my kids? I'll just miss them!

Do you have the answer?

ADDENDUM: I woke up this morning and read what I had written and posted yesterday. It seems to get a bit muddled, but I think that is perfect. Its perfect because that is what happens in my life. I get everyone wanting something from me and I can never seem to concentrate on one thing. Then it seems like no one is really happy with me. Then I either get a headache or a frown or both. Then I can't really enjoy whatever I'm doing.

By the way, Sarah got to eat the starburst and fudge and later asked for more starburst. When she groaned when I said only one, I told her she could have two. Not long after that she complained of an upset stomach....sigh.

NEW THINGS

2007-09-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been doing a couple of new things. At the end of the summer when my kids started getting in shape for cross country running I also started "running". Its probably more of a jog but my son says its okay to say running. He has a speedometer on his bike and I started out averaging less than 4 mph but the last time he timed me I was doing an average of 4.8 mph. Our neighborhood has some steep hills so 4.8 mph is not bad. I'm sure I look like a fat, middle aged housewife puffing and sweating but I try to picture myself as a lean mean running machine! I only run about three times a week because I've discovered that my knees need the break in between runs. They only hurt if I run everyday. I learned to do a warm-up run, then stretch, run, then stretch again. This helps to ward off stiffness and seems to make a difference with my knees. I started out with just one mile (at the end of August) but yesterday I ran 2.5 miles. I'm proud of myself because although some people are born to run, I was not! My goal is to get so I can make it at least 3 miles and then next spring I will run in the schools 5K race with my kids. Its nice to have my kids support because part of me will be a little embarrassed. Tom used to be a runner and it'd be nice if he'd join me (at least in practicing).

The other new thing I've been doing is really practicing the keyboard. We got the keyboard a couple of years ago and I sort of learned the basics back then. I practiced for awhile then got away from it. I finally got back to it and really concentrated on learning an easy version of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. It was tough for me because my left hand had to be keeping a steady beat while my right hand played something else. I persisted and finally got it...pretty much! I wanted to make Moonlight Sonata my next challenge but it may be too tough for me right now. It would be great if I could get good enough to play The Entertainer or Maple Leaf Rag. Someday.....

TRYING YOUR HARDEST, DOING YOUR BEST AND OTHER SUCH NONSENSE

2007-09-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

I think that I have a problem that most people would love to have. My kids are quite smart. My kids work really hard at succeeding in everything that they do. They always do their homework, almost always practice their instruments and push themselves to do their very best. All this with a minimal amount of nagging from me. Its as if they've internalized a desire to do well. I've taught them to be conscientious. So what's the problem?

The problem is that I wonder if I've taught them to know when enough is enough. Will they be able to know when to relax? When to say no. Right now I am the one who makes sure that they are not overloaded. I think I do a pretty good job. There are times that I need to slow them down. There are times that I need to give them a little extra push. However, the time is coming very quickly when they will need to make decisions for themselves.

When a student is doing well in school there are extra pressures placed on them. There are levels in high school for the regular, advanced and super advanced students. The more advanced you are, the more work you are expected to do. Thomas who is now in 9th grade had to read three books (teachers choice) over the summer and prepare for two social studies tests to be given on the second and third days of school. During the high school open house, I learned that next year Thomas may be recommended to take some AP courses. AP stands for Advanced Placement and are college level courses that can give you college credits if you pass the test. We are warned that these AP courses are super difficult and require much more homework than other courses. If he's doing 1.5 to 2 hours per night of homework now, how much more would be required?

I feel an intense pressure when making decisions about my kids education. Are they capable of doing the work required in these advanced classes? They certainly are but at what price? I'm not sure if I know when enough is enough, how can I expect them to make these kinds of decisions? Thomas graduated 8th grade with the highest GPA out of around 200 students so if I decide he shouldn't take these AP courses, I will look like a lunatic. Why wouldn't I want him to push himself to the max? Because I feel that there are more important things in life than being the best. Or making the most money. On the other hand if I slow them down now will it hurt their chances to be able to accomplish their dreams? Maybe Thomas's dream will be to go to the best engineering college he can get into (only on a scholarship - HAH!). If I hold him back will he resent it later?

In some sense, Thomas is my guinea pig. Erin will follow in his footsteps next year and if she doesn't have the highest GPA in 8th grade she will definitely be in the top five. Sarah is following in their footsteps. I plan to take it one small step at a time and guide them to make decisions that will hopefully lead them to a happy as well as successful life. I can only go by what I think is true and right.

PICKING APPLES

2007-09-17T10:58:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite yearly traditions is apple picking. To get there we drive through the black dirt region of New York. The dirt really is very black and looks so fertile that it seems anything could grow there. It makes me want to stop and fill the back of my van so I could bring it home. Our dirt here is so bad that its a challenge to get even grass to grow. Just before we reach Pine Island we see and smell the onion fields. Onions seem like a strange vegetable to me. The delicate papery outside seems inconsistent with being grown in the dirt. They never seem dirty when you buy them in the store.

After about an hour we arrive in Warwick, NY and pull onto the dirt road leading to our apple orchard of choice. The bumpy road seems to enhance the feeling that we are pioneers heading out to harvest apples in our horse drawn wagon. ZOOM! Back to reality when someone in an SUV whips passed us because we are driving too slow. We literally eat their dust.
There is something so wonderful about that first bite of that first fresh picked McIntosh! As I walk up to the closest tree, I couldn't help but verbalize my anticipation. As I describe how good it will taste, Thomas says something like "oh mom, come on are you trying to kill me!" Earlier in the day he was so hungry for his lunch of left over lasagna, his mouth was wet with drool. His salivary glands were burning with overuse. He pictured them bursting and having saliva shooting from his mouth. We both got a good laugh out of that one!

As we eat our fill of fresh pick apples, we begin to stuff the bag. Every year my family laughs at me because I insist on filling the bag as full as I can get it. After all, if I am paying $18.50 for apples, I want to get my money's worth! The kids seem to have gotten into the cheapskate spirit since they can't help but grab a couple extras as we are leaving the orchard. Am I promoting a form of thievery? Probably but since we are pretty good people we need something to make us imperfect! OKAY, OKAY, I admit it.....I always sample a couple of grapes in the supermarket before I buy them!

Tom and I managed to drag ourselves into the tree for a photo!

Sarah, Erin and Thomas were much more agile getting into the same tree!

WHERE DID THAT MONTH GO?

2007-09-08T04:51:00.000-07:00

Its hard to believe that I didn't post once in August. I was home a lot but decided to just take it easy, knowing that the start of school was coming. Sometimes I wonder why it seems so tough for me to have the kids start school. After all, its them that have to go off and spend their day working. I get a lot of quiet time at home....at least until they come home and my work begins. The first day of school I spent two hours reading through papers and filling out forms. Then there is the self imposed worrying. Do they like their teachers, will they be able to keep up their grades, will their extracurricular activities overwhelm them. Then there are the aggravations. Why does that teacher decide to take points off of the students grades just for being absent (even when they have a legitimate excuse)? Why do we need to show a photo id and sign our kids out when the people handing them over to us know us? Why does the cross country coach make everyone do extra laps when one girl is the only one who walks during practice? So as you can see I have plenty to keep my mind occupied. And who's worrying about me possibly going insane?

For some reason having my first kid going into high school has been a difficult transition. Not for him. He seems absolutely fine. Its me. Its sort of like turning 40. Its the sadness of letting go. For me it's the worry that I'm not letting go enough. I don't want to let him go but the alternative is being over protective. Or over involved. For me its a difficult balancing act. I have never been a mother who is over joyed at the start of school. Never have I said "hooray, my kids are off to school and now I have alone time". I've always been very content to be with my kids. I'm just hoping as time marches on, this does not become a problem for me or him. Part of me wonders how this could ever become a problem but then I see the example of the other families. Once the kids get to be teenagers they seem to become so distance. The parents back off as the kids develop an obvious annoyance with their parents. This is touted as normal. If that's normal, then what are we? Abnormal? Ha ha, only I could worry about something like this!

KNOEBELS AMUSEMENT PARK

2007-07-27T06:23:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our yearly trip to Knoebel's Amusement Park. We go camping at their adjoining camp ground. Its just a short walk to go on the rides. The kids love it and I would recommend it to anyone with kids. Its nice because if you don't go on many rides you don't pay to get in, you can just pay for each ride. If you go on a lot of the rides you can pay for an all day wrist band and get to go on as many rides as you want. The prices are great with most rides costing between 80 cents and $2. A wristband is just $28.

Here is our camping set-up.

Here is Tom fixing the leak in the camper, since something has to go wrong!

Erin and Sarah on the motor boats.

This ride and most of the others are "antiques" or replicas of old rides. Its sort of neat to go on rides that they don't have anywhere else because they are old instead of new!

Thomas in front of the sky slide. Its the best slide you will ever go down. Super high and super fast! You'd be able to look out at the scenery if you weren't busy trying to stay under control!

Sarah at the end of the slide, this was a ride that she was too scared to go on in previous years.

Me, almost totally out of control and falling over!

Erin, ready to go down the slide.

Sarah on the smaller of the two train rides.

Erin and me on the train.

Thomas on the smaller of the two carousels. The bigger one has rings that you catch as you go around. Thomas and Erin both got a brass ring and won a free ride.

Erin, happy as ever.

Years ago this is the first and only ride that Sarah would go on. I spent much of that visit riding around with her! Over and over and over!

Sarah and me on the Tilt-a-Whirl. One time ride for me! Sarah's shirt may have been green, but so was my face!

Erin on the antique cars giving Sarah a taxi ride.

This was a new ride called the Looper. I'm glad they didn't ask me to go on it!

Sarah getting ready to be taken back to the campsite on a golf cart. This was after a visit to the first aid station for "chest pains". We figured it was either heartburn or a muscle spasm but a bit scary for everyone. Although I love Knoebel's, their first aid station was staffed with very nice but not very helpful people.

Finally, a picture of Thomas right before he said "Dad's taking too many pictures, you've got to stop him".

He's sitting in the Pioneer train waiting to take off on the 1.5 mile ride through the woods. Its a great ride to go on in the dark because its pitch black except for the trains headlight and really neat! One of my favorite rides!

BLUEBERRIES!!!

2007-07-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

This year I have discovered how many wild blueberries we have around here! I have been picking and eating them in between our trips. I would guess that I've picked over 30 cups of blueberries so far and plan to go out picking again today. I've made two blueberry pies, a big pan of blueberry cobbler and have frozen 4 or 5 cups. The rest we've just eaten plain. The kids love to snack on bowls of them. I want to make some blueberry muffins and maybe blueberry bread. I definitely want to freeze some more to have in the winter.

I'm going blueberry crazy! During my blueberry picking outings, I've come to realize that this blueberry picking thing makes me happy in so many ways. First and foremost, I love the taste of blueberries and the things I can make from them. Second, with the big emphasis on organic produce today, I can be happy that these have not been sprayed with chemicals! Thirdly, they are free! I am a cheapskate at heart and love the feeling of a good deal. What's better than free?!? Finally, I've read that blueberries are very good for you health wise. I happily tell my kids, "go ahead, eat some more"!

When I was a kid, one of my favorite books was "Blueberries For Sal". Its a story of a little girl who goes picking wild blueberries with her mother. A mother bear and her cub are also in the patch eating blueberries. Somehow, Sal gets separated from her mother at the same time that the cub gets separated from its mother. Sal starts following the sounds that the bear is making thinking its her mother. Likewise, the cub follows Sal's mother thinking she's the mother bear. Eventually everyone gets back to there rightful mother without anyone getting eaten. They live happily ever after, with plenty of blueberries.

So when you see me in the blueberry patch you can know that I'm happy. I'm probably thinking happy thoughts about those friendly bears in "Blueberries For Sal"!

FIRST "VACATION" OF THE SUMMER

2007-06-30T05:12:00.001-07:00

Our first trip this summer was to NH to visit my relatives. I have discovered that only about 25% of our time can be spent interacting with them or they drive me crazy. Fortunately, this fact has somehow been imprinted in my brain. I say fortunately because unfortunately, the fact that my family is WACKO has not seemed to stick in my mind! I somehow think that I can have a family gathering without having to listen to the latest "gossip".

In my family when you say "oh did so and so get married?", you are more than likely going to get "I don't know" as a reply. Yes, people in my family get married in secret. It has happened several times. Eventually, after a few years, people find out. Mostly, we just look for wedding rings to show up. In the mean time people just whisper.

As in all families, problems among members are always there. The problem for me is trying to determine who is at fault. One wacko has a problem with another wacko...whose fault is it?!?!

This post would be way more interesting if I could give you details but I have decided to always be careful with what I post. I only post things that I wouldn't mind terribly if people found out. If any of the wackos read this they will just think its someone else who is the wacko one. That's the way I want to keep it. I don't want to hurt anyone, not even a wacko.

GARDENING

2007-06-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

I really love to garden and slowly over the past 20 years I have gotten better and better at it. Still not very good but at least I get to eat some vegetables from my garden. This year I have had a handful of strawberries, quite a few peas, lettuce and radishes. Later I should have some tomatoes, beans, carrots, cucumbers and zucchinis. I'm still working on getting some peppers, swiss chard and beets to grow and one of these years I will be successful. They are three things that I seem unable to produce. I used to be able to grow swiss chard and for some reason I just can't anymore. I read, I pamper and I wonder....

I'm always very proud of my impatients that I hang from my front porch. I save seed and start them new every year. They end up looking pretty darn good.

I always try something new every year. Last year I started asparagus from seed and I'm happy to report that it at least survived the winter. I also started strawberries last year and added some more this year. I'm hoping for a bigger crop next year. This year my new and interesting projects are an upside down hanging tomato plant (not doing so well) and iceberg lettuce.

For many years I have grown tomatoes and tried to grow peppers. For many years I didn't know that cutworms existed until last year when I READ about them. So I thought "what the heck, I might as well put cutworm collars on my tomatoes and peppers". So last year I did. This year when I transplanted my tomatoes into the garden I put cutworm collars on them. I got lazy when I transplanted my peppers. Why worry, afterall, so many years without a cutworm collar and no problems. Well, I lost two of my peppers to cutworms. Its almost as if they came to my garden eyeing those cutworm collars saying "we'll just wait until she slips up". Its weird if you ask me. Almost as weird as the fact that I used to be successful with swiss chard and now I can't grow it. I know experienced gardening people might say "how can she NOT grow swiss chard?" Well, I can't, but SOMEDAY I will!! So what if my rhubarb looks half dead. So what if rhubarb is one of those plants that most people can't kill if they tried. Well, I could kill it if I tried!!

SARAH'S HAIRCUT

2007-06-20T05:33:00.001-07:00

Did you know that there are only two girls in the 5th grade that have short haircuts? Sarah decided to get her haircut really short and there is only one other girl that has short hair and its not as short as Sarah's. When she told me what she wanted to do in the last few days of 4th grade I gave her some warnings. Warning A was it would take a long time to grow out if she didn't like it. Warning B was that the other kids were going to laugh and say she looked like a boy. Warning C was that she would have to put suntan lotion on her ears now.

Fortunately, she LOVES it (its really cute). The kids did laugh but she had told me before hand that it wouldn't bother her and it didn't (I loved her confidence!). No sunburned ears yet!

Here she is with Beau and his new haircut!

It can also be styled to look like this, that is if you want to jump on a trampoline!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2007-06-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary! (Plus six years together before we were married makes 26 years.) Wow! Its hard to believe that its been that long. I sincerely hope that my kids can find someone that they are able to be happy with for that long. I think of how much we've changed over those years and am amazed. I was only 17 years old when we started to date although Tom was "an older man" at 21 years old. I think of other peoples opinions, many thought we were all wrong for each other.

Things I heard from people were:

She's just going out with him because of his car (a blue Camero).
They just don't seem like a good match.
She would be nicer if she wasn't going out with him.
From my father: "We don't like those kind of people, they have cocktails as soon as they come home, then a cocktail with dinner and another one before they go to bed." (Tom never drinks and his parents rarely do)
A long distance relationship will never work. (He was in NJ and I was in NH)
Overheard from an uncle: "Now I know why they are not happy with them being together." Not sure what made him come to that opinion.

I also heard things like:

You are so lucky to be so young and you've already found the person you will be with for life.
Many people have told me over the years how much they admire my marriage and how they want their marriage to be just like mine.

So the moral of the story is to follow your heart but keep a practical side to your thoughts too. Only you can choose the person that is right for you. Sometimes its hard to block out what others are saying but you can't let it influence you. It could backfire in two ways - one is that other people's opinions may make you leave the person who is right for you and the other is that you may rebel and purposely go out with someone who is not right for you just to spite all the naysayers.

I was able to see through all the babble and make the right decision! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TOM!!

MY MAN

2007-06-20T04:00:00.000-07:00

Here he is, my man!

FRONT VIEW

Notice the cute safety glasses and the revealing shorts...

SIDE VIEW

Notice the shirt that matches his oh so worn shorts!

BACK VIEW

Buns of steel from all that ladder climbing!

GRADUATION PARTIES

2007-06-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

I just dropped Thomas off for his field trip to Gettysburg, PA. While I was there I was chatting with another mother. She told me that her son was invited to about ten eighth grade graduation parties. She said that most of them involved drinking or drugs so her son is not going. Thomas has been invited to one graduation party and I am sure that there won't be any drinking or drugging. As I looked at my son sitting on the bus, Rubik's Cube in hand, I wondered how his teenage years could be so different than many of his peers. He was not invited to those other parties where bad things would be happening. I don't even think he's aware that they are going on. He is so busy with his hobbies and activities that he wouldn't have time to even consider these things. I know my kids well and I know that they see their future. They know what needs to be done to get there. They don't want to mess it up.

It makes me wonder how prevalent these issues are. I know so many kids that are not doing these things. I am not naive but it still makes me amazed that there are two worlds inside the middle school. I am thankful for the world that my kids are in.

SCHOOL'S OUT!!

2007-06-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

Just an update on Thomas's "prestigious" award. I think the prestigious one, was an academic achievement award given by President Bush to any student with certain grades. He also received the Science award and Math award for being the best student, I guess. His math average is 101.2% (from getting bonus questions right as well as almost every question he was ever asked on a test). He also received his Math Counts award. He also has the highest GPA of all the eighth graders. So he's Mr. Smarty Pants. Blah, blah, blah! My neighbor tells me I SHOULD brag more about my kids but what's more annoying than a bragging mom?!?! He does appreciate being smart but I think he was more happy that the pond he made has attracted a frog and a salamander than getting all those awards. The eighth grade graduation "present" that he appreciated the most was having me spend time sifting the dirt in his garden. Its a dirty job but someone had to do it! Ha Ha! We also gave him the money to buy a pump for his pond so he can have a waterfall. Now all the frogs will have a place to splash around. Congratulations Thomas - now on to high school.

Of course Erin and Sarah have done well this year but they are not at one of those milestone years. They are just happy for school to be done! Erin has one more year in the middle school and Sarah one more year in the elementary school. This all just makes me realize how fast time goes by!

We are savoring this time of the summer. When you have days and days left to relax and have fun. We have all our vacations still to come. A trip to NH, time spent at the shore, a trip to Knoebel's Amusement park and plenty of time enjoying our home here in the Poconos.

THE BESTEST WEEKEND EVER

2007-05-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late in posting about it, but I just wanted to say that we had the bestest Memorial Day weekend ever! We started our friday night with a big bonfire! We had been trying to have one for awhile but the weather just wasn't cooperating! Thomas happily burned up his old go cart and his wooden windmill. He built both from his own designs but has moved on to bigger and better projects. He turned wood gathering into a major workout. He ran through the woods collecting large and small branches, cutting them up and then adding them to the fire to keep it roaring! The picture above is the "grand finale" when he dumped in my cornstalks from last fall.

We continued the festivities by setting up the tent. Erin, Sarah and I slept out not one night but two! Other than a lot of very verbal crows in the morning we slept like logs. We were sure not to eat anything in the tent so one of the four bears wandering the neighborhood wouldn't show up for a snack! The bears didn't scare us but the ghost stories that Erin got off the internet sure did! Well, they didn't really scare me but it was fun telling them anyway!

Saturday evening was our first BBQ of hamburgers and hotdogs. Sunday was a perfectly done steak. By monday, I had to follow my supper time announcement with "and you'll like it". More hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill! My kids like variety so were almost sick of BBQ food. I say almost because I didn't allow them to vent their disapproval, so as far as I am concerned, they LOVED it!

We filled our days with yard work, home improvement and just for fun, a little relaxation!

It was a taste of the summer days to come!

PRESTIGIOUS AWARD

2007-05-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

I just got a phone call from Thomas's guidance counselor to inform me that "Tom will be receiving a prestigious award at the ceremony on June 8th". She hopes we will be there. PRESTIGIOUS! I will be there. I hate awards, but I will be there. It may be the math counts award he should get but I guess it could be something else...something even MORE prestigious! I know I should just be proud and shut up but I can't.

I am proud of my kids but some how awards just seem to promote an eagerness for other people to give you their approval. Yes, here is an award because we like you and you have done just what we want you to do. How many times have I fallen in the trap of trying to get people to like me. It seems when I try to get someone to like me I fail and end up miserable.

It seems as if, depending on the year, one or another of my kids will be a favorite. Up until fourth grade Erin was almost always picked as Citizen of the Year. Sarah has received quite a few of those herself. Thomas who is currently receiving this "prestigious award" was never picked as Citizen of the Year. Does this mean he is less of a good student/citizen? Apparently since being in Middle School he has become a better student since he has always gotten a Student of the Month award. Last year Thomas and Erin were both picked as Student of the Month in September - quite an "honor" since there are only 10 months in the school year. This year Thomas was once again picked early on and Erin never got picked to be Student of the Month at all. Does this mean that her status as a student has dropped dramatically in the past year? Usually Sarah gets a Student of the Month award during the first half of the year. This is the first year that Sarah has not received a Student of the Month award. So you see, round and round we go. No rhyme or reason. Just a matter of rubbing someone the wrong way or the right way. Underlying it all is that sense of "why doesn't this teacher like me?" or "Yeah, she/he likes me!"

Worse of all, I'm expected to go to the ceremonies, puffed up with pride. How annoying to the other parents who are more than likely thinking "Oh that Elise, she thinks her kids are so great". My family life is a very personal experience for me. I am proud of my kids but I don't need other people to recognize their goodness for me to feel that pride. I conduct my personal life the way I do regardless of what other people think - good or bad.

Its inevitable this time of the year that I have to spend at least a little bit of time whining about awards. I hope from all my whining, my children will learn something. Awards are not important. Being a good person. Being a happy person. Having a full life. Making the most of the gifts you were born with. Learning to make good decisions that will give you all of these things. These are the things that are important. Awards are the way that other people give you their approval. This is fine when people approve of you but what will you do when they don't approve of you? Will you be able to recognize your own talents? Will you still be happy with yourself?

When Thomas was in sixth grade his science teacher told me that Thomas was the best student he's ever had in his entire teaching history. What made his comment memorable to me was the fact that he told me that although Thomas was super smart, he was still just a regular kid. He fit right in with all the other kids and always had a smile on his face. That's what made me happy. The fact that this teacher took the time to tell me this means so much more to me than watching Thomas receive a "prestigious award".

WHO'S EATING ALL THE FOOD IN THE HOUSE

2007-05-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

After taking a closer look at the pictures I posted of my children, I realized that they are looking quite skinny. Bones sticking out everywhere! It occurred to me that maybe I should be eating a little bit less of the food in the house and leave some for them!

TAGGED

2007-05-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged with a meme to write 8 random habits/facts about myself.

1. I met my husband, Tom, at my sister's wedding when she was marrying his brother. I was only 13 and he was 18 and if you had told me I would eventually marry him, I would have laughed hysterically.
2. When I was 15 years old I became friends with Tom and he tells me one of the first things I said to him was that I would never get married!
3. I went to NJ Institute of Technology in Newark, NJ for my first year of college. Quite a culture shock from my country bumpkin upbringing in NH! It was very eye opening.
4. The only times I have been out of the country were my vacations to the Bahamas and Canada and a couple of short jaunts into Mexico.
5. Growing up, we were kind of poor. We drank powdered milk, my mother made a lot of my clothes, we ate vegetables from my father's huge garden. We also ate eggs from our chickens and ducks and if they were roosters, we ate them! We ate tons of wild blueberries, dandelions (yuck), homemade maple syrup and even baby ferns (called fiddleheads). All in the name of saving money. As a kid I never knew we were poor. I guess because I always had food, clothes and a roof over my head - that was enough.
6. I usually take my shower midafternoon so when I wake up I just quickly put on the clothes that I was wearing the evening before. I probably often times look like I wear my clothes two full days in a row but usually not!
7. If I eat a lot of chocolate, I will get diarrhea.
8. If I have soda in the house, I let my children drink it for breakfast.

Now I am supposed to tag eight other people. I will see if my kids read this and tag Erin and Sarah. That's it, no one else to tag...